Everyone’s had that horrible moment once in their life when they just had to go to the bathroom, yet couldn’t. Maybe you were stuck on a wide-open stretch of highway, or enduring the spasms of your bladder on an airplane when stuck in a delayed landing pattern. At first, you try to ignore it, but pretty soon, you can feel it practically bubbling up in your stomach, swimming around your molars. You’re certain if you don’t vacate immediately, geysers will start spraying out of your ears like a cartoon character.
shopping
HOWTO: Buy a New Cellphone
By 3.21.06
Here’s our tricked-out version of a Dealhack guide to buying a new cell phone.
Gillette Razor Blade Hyperdrive
By 3.21.06
I, Brownlee, may have mentioned this before… but I am a huge fan of Gillette’s multiple-razor initiatives. I can still remember the first time I experienced the Mach 3, like an angel’s tongue lusciously licking the follicles off of my cheek. The next day, I marched into work and, with a word of stern command, began ordering stray co-workers — men, women, it didn’t matter — to caress, nay, fondle my cheeks. “What you’re feeling is very similar to what my ass once felt like as an infant,” I’d confidently assert. If this made my co-workers uncomfortable, it was well hidden by the awe which enraptured them at the touch of my silky-smooth jowls.
HOW TO: Shop at Trader Joe’s
By 3.20.06
Slate has a primer on surviving Trader Joe’s madness. Just a few tips and tricks to keep in mind while you’re commodifying your dissent. [More]
Morning Deals Round Up
By 3.20.06
• Today’s Woot!: The HP Photosmart 2710 All-In-One printer/scanner/fax machine for $255, shipped. While you could certainly find an all-in-one unit for a little less mooney, the 2710 has built-in Wi-Fi, an LCD preview panel, and reviews pretty well. Plus it’s about $75 cheaper on Woot than we could find elsewhere; not bad.
Invasion of the iPod Snatchers
By 3.20.06
A 55 year old Iranian schizophrenic has decided that all of her material possessions have insidiously been replaced by doppelgangers. Despite the fact that these objects all are identical to the smallest feature or blemish of her existing possessions, she is convinced that they are lacking the particular quality of belonging to her. She appears to be suffering from a variation of Capgras Syndrome, a neurological disorder that causes people to believe that their friends and family members have been replaced by impersonators.
Morning Deals Round Up
By 3.17.06
• Today’s Woot! is the iRiver PMC-120, one of those 20GB Personal Media Center jobbies that Microsoft was shilling a little over a year ago. We say skip it, even at $205. Not only is it sort of huge compared to an iPod video or Creative Vision M, but the platform does all sorts of stupid things like forcing you to convert all your videos before copying them to the device.
Victoria’s Las Vegas Secret… or Was it Victor’s?
By 3.16.06
Not only do the rich have it better, they also write it better. Alex Kuczynki is some affluent broad “The Old Gray Lady” (New York Times) pays to scribe her mercantile extravaganzas. On her latest spree, on the advice of friends, she went to Vegas to partake of its wonderful lingerie purchasing opportunities.
Morning Deals Round Up
By 3.16.06
• Dell Home is selling the Inspiron E1505 Dual Core Notebook for $699 (and you can usually find a $35 off coupon on eBay with little trouble). While it’s not much of a gaming machine, it’s a fine notebook for pretty much anything else at a very fair price. Our only suggested upgrade? A faster 7200RPM hard drive. [via SlickDeals]
Morning Deals Round Up
By 3.15.06
• Take the time to get a free cup of over-roasted coffee at Starbucks today between 10AM and Noon. Find the astringency you’ve been missing!
Former Bush Advisor Arrested For Target Refund Fraud
By 3.13.06
On February 9th, Bush’s longtime domestic policy advisor Claude Allen carefully waxed his handlebar mustache, adjusted his jet top hat and — throwing a smoke bomb to the ground — disappeared from the White House with the glint-eyed mystery of the master criminal. No one knew why he’d resigned his post… all that anyone could agree was that it was pretty dang mysterious.
Cool Bar Codes For Products And Foreheads
By 3.10.06
As all men know, in our dystopian future, bar codes will be tattooed directly over our pineal gland for easier government processing. This is supported by a vast library of dystopian fiction and comic books. And — as those high school sophomores who will so feverishly insist that 1984 is Orwell’s line by line premonition of the Bush Administration well know — these things always come true. So those of us with a flair for fashion should probably start thinking ahead about what statement we want our bar codes to make.
Morning Deals Round Up
By 3.9.06
• Woot! is smoking a delicious rock if they think you’re going to pay $45 for a 256MB MP3 player, even with an FM transmitter. That’s the sort of thing we expect to see given away for free, even if you can expand its memory with SD cards.
