coca-cola
The Unattainable Coca Cola Couch
When I was in school, mysterious state-endorsed hucksters would burst through my classroom door from time to time with arms full of candy bars. These guys would then proceed to gang press us all as unpaid door-to-door candy salesmen. The candy bars (which were usually more peanut and Chinese newspaper than chocolate) were uniformly terrible; moreover, they cost like 5 bucks each. But these guys were smart: they kept us hustling with the promise of prizes for reaching impossible goals. Ten candy bars sold got you a pencil, but a million? A robot dinosaur that transformed into a monster truck. Needless to say, the best prizes were logistically unattainable.
Coke Sued to Stop Using Leaded Labels
Coke? Will that be unleaded or regular? California prefers the former and sued Coca-Cola yesterday, asking it to pretty please with a dead baby on top, to stop using lead-based paint on their labels. Reports the LA Times:
How Much Does That Sweet Tooth Cost?
You may be one of those strange people who slow down for traffic accidents, not out of courtesy, but so you can gaze at the twisted limbs longer. If so, you may enjoy this collection of fun nutritional data sheets about products from the Coca-Cola corporation, including, but not limited to, Coke.
Coke Stole Slogan, Claims Cricket-Cola
A small soda company is suing Coca-Cola for trademark infringement. And they’re wrong.
Reader Actually Likes Coke Bl ?k
?k, the unique cup of coffee brewed with Coca-Cola instead of water! Clearly suffering from some sort of head trauma or an afternoon deeply inhaling at the glue factory, Courtney W. writes:
Benzene In Soda Is Cancerous
Watch out, that next can of carbonated fizzy water you guzzle could turn your esophagus into a tumorous pipe oozing with cancer and bile. The carcinogen in question is Benzene and according to Beverage Daily, benzene levels in most soft drinks are up to five times the World Heath Organization’s limit for drinking water.
Coca-Cola Blāk Effervescent Coffee Crap Debut
Coca-Cola has a new adult beverage that’s a blend of “unique Coke refreshment with the true essence of coffee and has a rich smooth texture and has a coffee-like froth when poured.” Coca-Cola Blāk will launched in France, because if you consume cold snails, you will consume anything.
They Work for Them: The Center for Consumer Freedom
The Center for Consumer Freedom is a lobbying and media group that advocates ‘consumer choice,’ specifically the choice to consume fast foods, alcohol, and tobacco. Originally founded with money from a grant from the Philip Morris company (and launching as the ‘Guest Choice Network’), the Center for Consumer Freedom is currently funded by a long list of food and restaurant companies, including Coco-Cola, Monsanto, Tyson Foods, and Applebees.
The Zero Movement: Coke’s Pepsi Blue
We’d reach down deep within our mucous-engorged rage cavity to slop some bile at the Coca-Cola Company for their stupendously midguided attempt to promote new ‘Coke Zero’ through The Zero Movement, but we’re still careening around our porcelain work tub like so much congealed ham from manifest force of psychic disconnect upon the realization that there was a company out there still attempting to appear cool by using a blog.
True Love: SaveSURGE.org
We’re not really in a position to mock people slavishly devoted to unhealthy obsessions with consumer brands. (It took us three Star Wars prequels to finally turn our anger to hatred.) But we have to admit to cocking our middle knuckle up in the traditional nougie-giving position before we realized that soda pop fans at SaveSurge.org were our people.
And the citrus flavor was just AWESOME… I fell in love. I used every chance I got to buy it. My school had a vending machine that contained SURGE… I ended up spending the majority of my lunch money buying SURGE from that machine. I talked my mom into supporting my SURGE habit by buying two liters of the wonderful citrus soda for me to enjoy once I got home. It was rare that someone saw me without a two liter or can of SURGE grasped snugly in my hand.
Bear in mind, this isn’t regular astroturfing (we think), because Surge doesn’t exist anymore.
