Maybe you thought bizarre “fix your naughty bits!” ads for feminine hygiene only appeared back in your grandparents’ era, but no. This Summer’s Eve ad from Women’s Day magazine says that if you want a raise, one of the first things you can do is shower with “Summer’s Eve Feminine Wash,” although it might also be a good idea to bring some “cleansing cloths” with you “for a quick freshness pick-me-up” right before you ask the boss for more money. That’s all in tip #1; tip #7 says “Don’t let the conversation stray or get personal.” [More]
absurd
Parents Group Calls Happy Meal Version Of The Human Torch A "Horrifying Spectacle"
By 8.10.10
I’m having trouble telling whether the Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood is serious, or whether someone at the organization saw that Venture Brothers episode and got confused, so I’ll just describe what they’re doing and you can decide for yourselves. The group has launched a letter writing campaign to demand that McDonald’s stop giving out Marvel superhero toys, specifically The Thing and The Human Torch, because they’re too violent. [More]
Goodwill Fires Worker With Down Syndrome After His Mother Buys Him A $3 Shirt
By 7.31.10
The Goodwill in Washington Iowa fired a thirty-year-old employee with Down syndrome after his mother bought him a $3 shirt. Goodwill initially refused to sell the shirt because of a policy banning employees from making purchases on days they were working. Another employee intervened and approved the sale after the employee’s mother explained both that she was a family member and not an employee, and that the employee with Down syndrome had no interest in buying clothes. When the employee reported to work the next day, he was fired. [More]
Apple Sued Because iPad Does Not Work "Just Like A Book" As Claimed
By 7.28.10
A new class action suit filed in California takes issue with how the iPad shuts off automatically if it overheats. In particular, however, the suit claims that the marketing phrase “reading on the iPad is just like reading a book” is misleading, and that Apple is therefore engaging in fraud and misleading consumers. This is great news for me, because I was thinking of suing Apple for not providing dustjackets for iBookstore titles but my friends told me I shouldn’t. [More]
Learn To Love Your Messed Up Toyota With This Parody
By 2.11.10
Funny or Die wants to help Toyota out of this awkward situation it’s found itself in, so the site has posted a helpful video of a cheerfully steely spokeswoman who likes to point with both hands. It’s like she’s shooting good news in your face! Pow pow! And really, it’s true that you can have an awesome garage party without ever needing to take your Toyota on the road, so maybe you should stop being so pessimistic. Video below. [More]
Brooke Shields Has Hypotrichosis
By 10.27.09
Oh no! Brooke Shields used to have stringy, stick-figure eyelashes! I figured this out after watching Consumer Reports’ video dissection of a new commercial for Latisse, the glaucoma medication that has been rebranded as an expensive, temporary eyelash enhancer with side effects.
Man Eats Windows 7 Themed 7-Layer Whopper
By 10.27.09
For some reason, possibly because they have the same ad agency as Burger King, Microsoft has convinced the fast food chain to offer a 7-layer Whopper in celebration of Windows 7. What is a 7-layer Whopper? It’s just a Whopper with 7 patties.
Target Saves You Money In Ways You Can Only Imagine
By 5.19.09
Target continues its rebranding as the Duchamp of retail stores, with this receipt that indicates savings where no savings ever existed. Or perhaps multi-dimensional savings; we can’t pretend to know what Target sees when it stares into the void. Mark notes, “The cookies were on sale, as indicated. The cascade, I had a coupon for it to be free. Total savings should be $4.23. The receipt says $7.37. Maybe it’s a conspiracy since it is the Love Field (near the airport) in Dallas where Southwest flies only 737s.” That’s as good an explanation as any, Mark. Maybe you should work for Target?
Man Sends Silly Complaint Letters To Companies, Receives Silly Responses
By 4.30.09
“Chad Bradley” likes to write letters to companies. Unlike a normal crank, however, his letters are filled with complaints about surreal or nonsensical things, or they offer useless ideas for product improvements. (To the makers of Connect 4, for example, he suggests a new game called Connect 1.) The letters are entertaining enough on their own, but what’s even better is sometimes the companies write back.
Technically, There Is Nothing Wrong With This Display
By 2.27.09
On the other hand, we think the CVS manager in this D.C. store might want to take a look around and see how other stores are doing it. (Thanks to Rob!)
Hug Me Pillow Relieves The Loneliness Until Morning
By 1.24.09
You don’t have to be sad anymore, single person. Overstock has you covered. Just don’t turn over in the middle of the night, especially if you have night terrors.
By 1.9.09
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Here’s one man’s poignant Amazon review of how “The Secret” changed his life. We take back any skepticism we had about it. [Amazon] (Thanks to Smashville!)
Woman Removes Bra To Get Through TSA
By 8.26.08
Nancy Kates’s large underwire bra set off the metal detector in the Oakland, California airport. A TSA agent pulled her aside and patted her down, which set off Kates’ personal privacy alarm. “I said, ‘You can’t do that.’ She said, ‘We have to pat you down.’ I said, ‘You can’t treat me as a criminal for wearing a bra.'” Kates was given the option to “submit to a pat-down in a private room” or not fly. Instead, she took off her bra and passed through security just fine. Hooray for personal freedom!
Sam's Club Pretends Its Polystyrene Cup Is Green
By 8.15.08
Gregg saw this cheerful environmentally-friendly message on the side of his Sam’s Club soda cup. Wait, what? We guess it saves Sam’s Club fuel costs to ship the cups, but that sounds more like a profit-friendly quality. Gregg notes another benefit of the cup: “[it] may never biodegrade but at least it’s easy on my drinkin’ elbow.”
T Mobile: Listen To The Most Pointless Customer Service Call Ever
By 5.12.08
Kapil’s brand new Blackberry arrived with a battery that won’t charge. He wants T-Mobile to exchange it, but he says T-Mobile wants to replace it with a refurbished Blackberry instead of a new model. Kapil is fighting back, but even at the executive support level all he’s found are rude, uncooperative T-Mobile employees who keep saying there’s a process, and that someone will call him back—which never happens. Kapil refused to hang up on the fourth day and demanded to know what happens next after nobody calls back, which seemed to confuse and anger the T-Mobile rep he was speaking with. And for those of you who can’t listen in, we’ve transcribed some of the juiciest parts.
Kelly’s Will Rent-To-Own You This Wii For $948
By 2.29.08 — Updated: 1.21.15
Here’s a perfect example of what a ripoff rent-to-own or “lease-purchase” (to use the Kelly’s phrase) arrangements are to the consumer. This $250 Wii console can be yours for only $79 a month, and after 12 months, it’s yours to keep. By that time, you will have paid $948 for it. By comparison, if you charged it to a credit card with 18% interest, you could pay $23 a month and have it paid off after 12 months. Kelly’s offer will cost you $673 more than paying with the credit card.
Steve Jobs Only Wishes He Could Price Like This
By 2.27.08
Erin writes, “I was searching for an iPod Nano on Google Products and this link came up!” That’s one hell of a markup there, anonymous web store with no branding and an empty “Contact Us” page. Our favorite part: “NOT FOR RESALE”—don’t even think about buying this and marking it up for your own store.
