Holy $#!@, this lounge chair will eat your fingers! Fox5 New York has a video report on dangerously unsafe lounge chairs sold at Kmart under the Martha Stewart brand. Naturally (we’re not making this up), the chairs are designed to complement the Martha Stewart Spontaneously Shattering Glass Patio Tables also sold at Kmart.

One of the three victims named in the report is (again, not making this up) a professional magician and hand model. Now he can only pull tennis balls out of people’s ears because he lacks the dexterity to manipulate coins. Okay, we did make up that last statement. Seriously, though, he’s suing Kmart and Martha Stewart Omnimedia.

It looks like the chairs have been redesigned and now the front leg section can no longer swing back and forth, which prevents the guillotine effect. But as Fox5 points out, that doesn’t help anyone who bought one of the original designs, and Kmart hasn’t taken any action to recall them. You’ll be happy to note, however, that both companies released official statements that begin with the phrase “we take product safety very seriously.”

Martha Stewart doesn’t believe it’s really happening, so forget you read this post. In the video, reporter Arnold Diaz chases after her as she’s getting into a vehicle, and when he tells her, “Three people have had their fingers severed in your chairs,” she replies, “Oh no, three people did not!” and rolls up the window.

Click here to see gruesome, make-you-swear-out-loud photos of damaged fingers and severed fingertips. Or don’t, if you’re easily grossed out.

Update April 13th, 2009: The magician settled his lawsuit with Martha Stewart and Kmart.

“Shame, Shame, Shame: Martha Stewart Lounge Chairs” [Fox5] (Thanks to Arun!)

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