Florida Man Accused Of Humping A Stuffed Animal At Walmart, Putting It Back On The Shelf

In a move that will cause me to forever give the toy aisle the side-eye, a Florida man is accused of getting it on with a stuffed animal at Walmart and then putting it back on the shelf after he’d had his way with it.

SPOILER ALERT: Gross things ahead. Just wanted to warn ya.

The crime of passion allegedly went down at around 3 one afternoon, when the 19-year-old suspect “selected a brown, tan, and red stuffed horse from the clearance shelf in the garden department,” reports The Smoking Gun, citing the police report from a town north of Tampa.

After choosing his new paramour, the man allegedly headed to the comforter aisle in housewares, “proceeded to pull out his genitals,” and “proceeded to hump the stuffed horse utilizing short fast movements.”

Surveillance cameras caught the lewd act as it reached its inevitable conclusion, after which the suspect placed the “soiled stuffed horse on top of a bed in a bag (comforter set) contaminating that property also.”

[Excuse me, while I jump into a vat of scalding hot water so I can once more feel clean.]

The man fled before Walmart security could grab him, but was later arrested by police. He admitted in a written statement that he “did unmentionables to a stuffed animal,” and is “extremely sorry.”

He was charged with indecent exposure and criminal mischief and booked into counted jail.

Walmart removed the stuffed animal in question from sale BECAUSE OF COURSE AND THANK GOODNESS.

Floridian, 19, Arrested For Lewd Act With Stuffed Animal Inside Walmart Store [The Smoking Gun]

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  1. Liberal says:

    That guy is sick. He needs to spend some quality time in a straight jacket.

  2. Xenotaku says:

    At the Sanrio I worked at once, a teen had apparently done that on the bed set we had set up in the back.

  3. DyinMyelin says:

    I salute you, my fellow Floridian, for your commitment to safe sex.