You might want to sit down because we’ve come across a bit of shocking news: It seems the United States Secret Service needs help understanding sarcasm in social media. I know, we’re all shocked as well. But as laid out in a request for proposal from the agency, it’s looking for someone to build sarcasm detection software. Or as I shall call it, SSSS (Secret Service Sarcasm Software).

In an RFP posted on the Federal Business Opportunities website (h/t to NextGov.com), the agency outlines exactly what it’s looking for and it sounds like a really easy, totally obtainable goal*.

The tool will ideally collect things from the emotions of Internet users to old Twitter messages, with functions including “sentiment analysis,” “influencer identification,” “access to historical Twitter data,” “ability to detect sarcasm,” and “heat maps” or graphics showing user trends by color intensity.

Basically, the Secret Service would love it if someone would explain the Internet so it doesn’t go around arresting sarcastic people with itchy social media trigger fingers.

Another thing that sounds a bit weird? The software will have the “functionality to send notifications to users.”

Because that wouldn’t freak someone out to get a popup window from the Secret Service just being like, “Hey, did you mean that like, for real? Or are you being sarcastic? Thanks, juuust checking in!”

*THAT WAS A TEST, Secret Service.

Computer Based Annual Social Media Analytics Subscription [FBO.gov]
SECRET SERVICE SOFTWARE WILL ‘DETECT SARCASM’ IN SOCIAL MEDIA USERS [NextGov.com]

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