Two weeks ago, 32 bad businesses entered the Worst Company in America velodrome. But since they didn’t all bring their racing bikes with them, they just began beating the holy snot out of each other for our readers’ amusement. Giants fell, upstarts pulled upsets, and battle-hardened vets relived their glory days when they could more easily lay claim to the Golden Poo. Now, after two rounds of out-and-out, completely organized mayhem, eight contenders still stand, but to quote the greatest movie ever made in the history of films with the word “highlander” in the title: There can be only one.
Before we get to the Hated 8, let’s wrap up today’s Round Two matches that brought us to this point.
TIME WARNER CABLE VS. KOCH INDUSTRIES
It was another buzzer-beater for Comcast’s betrothed. Fresh off its narrow 51-49 upset of two-time reigning WCIA champ Electronic Arts, TWC showed some signs of exhaustion, barely edging out newcomer Koch Industries by an even tighter margin. It may be the slimmest victory in the history of Worst Company bracket play.
While TWC’s merger partner on the other half of the bracket has been breezing through the competition, these two heart-stopping wins in a row don’t bode well for the cable company’s chances of making it to the Final Death Match.
Standing in its way is another first-time contender, Monsanto, which… well, let’s just get to that recap:
MONSANTO VS. CITI
After handily defeating Wells Fargo in Round One, did lawsuit-happy seed giant Monsanto have the momentum to beat up on a second bank in a row? Since you’ve presumably read the headline, possibly looked at the pie chart to the left, and maybe perused the above bracket, you know the answer to that question already.
That’s two rounds in a row in which Monsanto has been able to put a pretty decisive thumping on a major national bank. Does that bode well for its Quarterfinal match against Time Warner Cable? Or are TWC’s narrow victory margins not an accurate indicator of just how much people really hate the cable company?
OTHER QUARTERFINAL BOUTS:
There are three other match-ups that Consumerist readers will vote on in the next two days…
•COMCAST VS. VERIZON: Comcast has made shredded cheese of its competition through the first two rounds, while Verizon was barely able to beat AT&T for its Quarterfinal slot. Which of these dominators of the communications pipelines will survive to fight in the Final Four?
•BANK OF AMERICA VS. WALMART: The most-hated bank in the country has never won a WCIA title on its own, in spite of three consecutive appearances in the Final Death Match. With EA out of the way, is this finally the year that we ship the Golden Poo to BofA? Or will Walmart finally get over its longtime curse that keeps it from ever being a true Final Four contender?
•SEAWORLD VS. CHASE: Aside from EA’s early ouster, the biggest news of this year’s tournament has got to be the out-of-nowhere success of first-timer SeaWorld. The theme park’s Round Two match against perennial semifinalist Ticketmaster wasn’t as decisive a win as its Round One destruction of Johnson & Johnson, but still a solid showing for the rookie contender. Could SeaWorld join the ranks of companies like EA and BP that won the Poo in their WCIA debuts? It has some strong competition in front of it before we can start discussing that possibility.
Quarterfinal voting begins again in the morning!