Hear those woebegone sighs? They’re the lonely exhalations of a row of “Man-Sized” Old Spice bodywash bottles on the shelf at a Maryland Walmart. See, they’re sad because they know the discerning consumer will skip all 946ml of “Fiji” wash for $7.47 and head straight for the two-bottle value pack with the same amount of product for only $6.97.

We can only imagine the frustrations of being a single bottle of bodywash when everyone else is all coupled up and getting off the shelf to start a better life somewhere else with someone new.

But you can’t blame customers if they want two bottles with 473ml or a total of 946 ml instead of sticking with that pricier, solo bottle. Two bottles are better if you have a hard time committing to just one, right?

Even the value pack says it: Two bottles at once is better. Why would you want one when you could have two? Why would anyone want the single when TOGETHERNESS WITH ANOTHER BOTTLE IS CLEARLY THE IDEA STATE OF BOTTLEHOOD. And no, the single bottle does not like to be asked when it’s finally settling down with someone else so stop reminding it it’s alone.

Reader R.R. surely felt the painful plight of the man-sized bottles when he snapped his pic at a Maryland Walmart, noting, “It’s Target math, but at Walmart!”

Poor single bottles of Old Spice bodywash. Forever alone.

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