Crystal’s delivery from a third-party Amazon vendor was already more than a week late, and she lives in Hawaii. When UPS finally showed up with the box, the driver simply pitched it over the five-foot fence and into her yard. The good news is that there was nothing breakable in the box, so the act of hurling the package didn’t damage her purchase. The bad news is that her dog was chilling in the yard at the time, and thought that the box of boxes was for him. To chew.

This is just one part of a longer saga involving the third-party vendor, Amazon, and UPS, but here is the chapter where she discovers the fate of her cupcake boxes.

Apparently, when UPS can’t get into your locked gate that is there for privacy, THEY THROW THE FUCKING BOX INTO YOUR YARD. And I say “throw” because the fence is 5 feet high, so there’s no gentle putting down of boxes happening here.

From there, our dog Max assumed the package was for him and went to town opening it. He got teeth marks in pretty much every single piece in the box. Quite the talented dog.

I looked around at these fucking nightmarish pieces of cardboard that were supposed to save me time and wanted to pull my hair out in a District 2 Cato rage. Don’t worry, the dog is still alive and unharmed, though he did get so excited that he knocked me on my ass while running around excitedly as I cleaned up. THAT WAS SO MUCH FUN.

To the stupid idiot driver from UPS: I hope my 85 dollars comes straight out of your pocket and they send you back to do like 500 hours of additional UPS training so that you get it into your thick skull that throwing a box into someone’s yard DOESN’T COUNT AS A SUCCESSFUL DELIVERY.

I could hear our dog puking up cardboard as I wrote this, so thanks for making our dog sick too. Jerk.

We’re just glad to hear that UPS is keeping up with competitors FedEx and the U.S. Postal Service in package-pitching.

The boxes were for a large order of Hunger Games-themed cupcakes. I haven’t read the books, so please provide your own joke in this space.

A Cupcake Box Nightmare – Finale Brought to You By UPS [Pikko’s House]

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