In a land where image is everything, of course there’s a fancy restaurant with a bottled water menu. Yes, I’m looking at you Los Angeles, combination chimera, sphinx, harlot, and now, purveyor of “Vichy Catalán sparkling (1000ml), Spain, $12. Ancient water with an astonishing 3,052 milligrams per litre of Total Dissolved…” More like TDBS!

Perhaps your palate seeks something more sedate and contemplative. Then, sir, may I suggest Wattwiller from France. “Its pedigree dates back to Roman times, with the source ultimately controlled by the monks of the Abbey of Murbach in 785 AD,” reads the menu description. “With salty aftertaste, this elite water delivers terrific calcium, magnesium, sulphate, and flouride.” 300ml for $11.

In a refined mood? Try the Badoit, “one of the most sought-after brands among connoisseurs,” or Lauretana, which has a “clear glass bottle designed by the famous Ferrari coach maker Pininfarina.” Either glug-jug will run you 11 bucks.

Mary Pilon discovered the menu on a recent trip to LA, tagging it “amazing grifts”on her Tumblr, which seems a most apt descriptor.

[Mary Pilon]

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