Shay’s last Con Edison bill keeps going up due to late fees. “So pay the bill!” you might say. Well, he’d really like to, but the company won’t let him pay online, as he always has.

I was subletting an apartment in Brooklyn, and now I am trying to pay up my last con ed bill, which went up $20 due to late fees. The problem is, there’s no way to pay it.

Talking to them on the phone means waiting for sometimes as much as half an hour, just to hear that they can’t process payment. They refer me to a voice system, and they refused to give me my old account number (after I verified myself), until I yelled at them that I need it to PAY the bill (because there’s no way to enter my SS# or address, I have to have the account number). I tried the phone, the machine hung up twice. Tried the website, which is a total nightmare. It seems like it’s a payment system from the 90s which can’t handle Chrome or Firefox well (but they don’t tell you) and there are many technical glitches. Basically the page keep refreshing on you while you fill in details. After you go through everything and give them the credit card info (which took me half an hour), the site is stuck at “please verify your info” page withing pointing what the errors are (there aren’t any) and just a submit button that doesn’t work. In the meantime, I am forced to pay more late fee[s] because I can’t have the credit card processed.

“We’re on it”?! My ass. My bill went up from 55 or so to 79. Oh, and the best part is, I need to pay 4 bucks “Convenience fee” for using the internet. CONVENIENCE fee?! Are you shitting me? Who charges that today anyway for wanting to use a credit card?

Obviously they want me to give them my bank information so they can process it directly. Tried that… but I can’t do that because my account is closed! that’s right.. I closed it when I moved, so now I can’t change my plan, I HAVE to use a credit card and a dysfunctional website.

How come I am still here, trying to pay my bill, after two days of failed attempts? I’m trying to give them my money, how hard is that?!

This is where those hopelessly outdated relics known as “checks” come in handy, unless Con Ed has decided that they can’t receive payments through the mail for closed accounts, either. This seems unlikely.

If he still lives in the area, and doesn’t believe in checks or money orders. it’s wise to go to a local check-cashing place or other bill-paying establishment with a printout of the last statement and a stack of cash. Yes, there will be a fee for this as well.

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