David isn’t really sure why he received this Lane Bryant flyer in the mail, seeing that he’s not only thin, but, well, male. But that doesn’t matter at Lane Bryant, where they’re stretching the limits of reality and of the English language.

Now, In case you can’t read that tiny print, under “on absolutely everything!” the flyer describes precisely what is not on sale: some handbags, Seven 7, DKNY Jeans, and Spanx products. Those are all things. That are in the store. Making the statement “40% off entire store, absolutely everything” completely absurd.

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