The Template For Every Weasely Science Article

Ever read an article about some scientific finding and wondered why you felt like you knew less afterward than you did before? And not in a wow, my mind has been blown, but in a what the heck was that rubbish kind of way. Have heart, as a satirical article in The Guardian skewering the format for every single useless and weasely science story ever written explains why.

A snippet:

This is a news website article about a scientific paper

In the standfirst I will make a fairly obvious pun about the subject matter before posing an inane question I have no intention of really answering: is this an important scientific finding?

In this paragraph I will state the main claim that the research makes, making appropriate use of “scare quotes” to ensure that it’s clear that I have no opinion about this research whatsoever.

Hey man, it’s a grind, someone has got to make the sausage.

This is a news website article about a scientific paper [The Guardian]