By now it’s pretty clear that one day all American journalism — and likely all American industry — will be outsourced to India. Newspapers are among the leaders of the phenomenon, having long since not only shifted customer service, but even copy editing and, gasp, news writing to the other side of the world.

The New Haven Advocate jumped on the trend by outsourcing several stories to Indian writers, inadvertently proving their own obsolescence because the humor that resulted surpassed that which any native North American journalist is capable.

Take this review of the new Night at the Museum:

When the adventure comedy Night at the Museum first opened in 2006, it grossed close to $250 million in U.S. ticket sales. That impressive figure alone should be enough to tempt you to watch its sequel. Sadly, with Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian history does not repeat itself. One assumes the production budget of $200 million was probably spent on the special effects rather than a decent script, which is where the film fails.

And a “weird news” column:

It is quite surprising that a Utah boy is trying his best to set a record by covering his entire face with as many live snails as possible. This 11-year-old boy named Fin Keheler had the guts to allow a whole bunch of 43 slimy mollusks to be put on his face on Saturday. He demands that his effort should be recognized by the Guinness Book of World Records.

The official Web site of Guinness World Records claims that the initial record that was set in 2007 was of holding eight snails for 10 seconds. While this little boy claims that he always knew that the record was around 36. On Saturday, the young boy Fin tried making around three attempts and the ones which remained on the face for the minimum of 10 seconds were considered.

Mark our words: The first print newspaper to go all-India, all the time adds five years to its life.

Outsource This! [New Haven Advocate, via Poynter]
(Photo:nailmaker)

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