Make Time Warner Pay For Shoddy Service By Demanding Free Premium Channels

According to a tipster, Time Warner Cable resets their complaint list every three months, allowing users with shoddy service to continually request perks like free premium channels year-round without reprisal.

The tipster writes:

Every three months, I call Time Warner Cable in New York City and complain about the service, and they give me free HBO for six months, or something like that. My cousin, who worked in the IT department at Time Warner, told me that the “complaint” list resets every three months, so after that, they don’t know that you complained. Four phone calls a year can give you all sorts of premium channels and the like.

Our Time Warner internet connection dies more frequently than Kenny, and free premium channels are our favorite way to mourn. Here’s how we do it:

  • The internet dies. Again.
  • We call Time Warner.
  • Time Warner checks for outages in our area. There are none. Ever.
  • Time Warner expresses befuddlement over the problem.
  • Time Warner tells us to power cycle the modem. This does nothing. Ever.
  • Time Warner offers its only solution: dispatch a tech to replace the modem. Again.
  • We explain this happens regularly, and ask for free premium channels.
  • Time Warner laughs and explains that they don’t offer free premium channels.
  • We promise that they do, and ask them to consult our scroll-length list of outages before checking with a supervisor.
  • We sit on hold for 15 minutes.
  • Time Warner gives us the free premium channels.

We hate you, Time Warner. Fix your damn internet and we’ll stop asking for free premium channels.

(Photo: Meghann Marco)