Why Did Everyone Buy This Stupid Toxic Debt? No One Understood It

Marketplace has the answer to one of the most troubling questions of our time. Why did people who are supposed to be smart buy all this stupid toxic risky debt? Apparently, it’s because they weren’t that smart, and they didn’t understand what they were buying or selling.

Hey, we thought it was just us! Turns out the Emperor was naked.

Thankfully, Marketplace has written a short one act play that explains everything. Here’s a taste…

SELLER: [sound of door opening] All right. So glad to hear the Union of Mothers and Nurses Pension Fund is keen to invest with us, Mr. Moron.

BUYER: Actually, That’s Mah-RONE.

SELLER: Oh, do pardon me.

BUYER: Happens all the time. Now, we really took a hit when Lead Paint Toyco went under, so we’d like some big, quick returns here.

SELLER: Then have I got the product for you. It’s called a reverse sub-micro-standard mortgage shadow security and — do you hold a degree in rocket science?

BUYER: Nope.

SELLER: Hmm. Well then, simply put, what we do is take semi-insured debts that’ve been sold to us from inelastic bubble markets, vertically resell, then unbundle the revenues according to Moody’s astro-logarithm.

BUYER: Astro …

SELLER: Astro-logarithm, which gives a monetized valuation that has itself been subdivided into A-3 and G-minus pumpkin patch. You following?

BUYER: Not at all!

SELLER: Great; me neither, really! This thing was invented by some eggheads we keep in a cave.

BUYER: Please, continue.

SELLER: Right. So, I think the Q-grades are dumped and leveraged upwards across 25 underplummeries? Our unicorn gives it a kick, and presto: you’ve got 300 percent annual growth.

BUYER: Now, you just said “unicorn.” There is such a thing?

SELLER: Uhhh. Kind of? Honestly, I don’t know. Don’t care!

BUYER: Well, you also said “300 percent.” So, I’m sold!

Credit Crisis Confusion: the one-act play [Marketplace] (Thanks, John!)