New York magazine has a good write-up of Function Drinks, an “enhanced water” company that has the marketing advantage of being founded by a doctor. Although their nutritional claims appear to be a little more scientifically researched than, say, Vitamin Water, the sugar content is the same, and, as the article points out, there’s still no real consensus on whether antioxidants do any good.


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  1. Myotheralt says:

    But what can I drink with PRO-oxidants?

  2. Robobot says:

    I’ve tried pretty much every energy and “vitamin” drink out there and Function isn’t anything special. Some of the flavors taste a little on the gross side and none of them improve performance.

    Like most other drinks, it’s also way over priced. ($1.50 at my last campus!) You could buy some nutritious produce or an energizing red eye for the price of one of those, plus you’d save yourself the tooth decay.

  3. god_forbids says:

    Not sure if this counts as “blaming the consumer”, but why in the world are people so stupid? So much crap sells, and its obviously crap, and yet it sells incredibly well. Defying all logic, our fellow Americans grossly not only buy but over-consume themselves into morbid obesity on every snake-oil product that reaches store shelves. Like cattle, they fill their gullets with anything placed in front of them, on credit, cost be damned.

    Function Drinks are just another symptom of this sickening reality. If everyone read Consumerist, how much harder would it be for companies to take advantage of their stupidity?

  4. purplesun says:

    @god_forbids: I’ll admit it. I was one of those stupid people for a good long while. Then, I got a check up at the doctor and realized, even though I’m very underweight and under-30, my cholesterol was out of sight.

    Since then, I’ve mostly quit bothering with reading labels. I tend to only eat fresh food that I cook myself (nothing processed) and only drink water, tea, and 100% juice.

    Now, I feel great, I’m at a normal weight (that’s the celiac diagnosis for you), my cholesterol and blood pressure are normal without medication, I have insane amounts of energy, not to mention just a generally better sense of well-being.

    And I didn’t need some stupid “vitamin” water to do it for me. I get all of my vitamins from my food and then some.

    Can we just blatantly call this stuff a rip off now?

    (And, yes, I actually spend *significantly* less now than I did on my typical American crap diet – and you get used to cooking like you get used to showering).

  5. homerjay says:

    well, if 90’s late-night informercials for British car wax have taught me anything it’s that oxidizing is bad even for the hood of your car. Therefore anything that removes oxides (whatever, it’s ftiggen midnight) must be good!

  6. Benny Gesserit says:

    If you feel antioxidants really will do some good, why not drink “normal” water and add some blueberries to your morning cereal?

    I find flavoured waters just make me more thirsty – meaning I end up having a regular water chaser.

  7. friendlynerd says:

    I got a free bottle of this stuff once, I think the “urban detox” variety. Yuck.

  8. Because doctors are never quacks, obviously.