Tide: Good For Removing Feces Stains

<!–tidepen.jpg–>One of the many uses for Tide is feces stains, so the company decided to open up the discussion by starting a whole thread devoted to their removal. Sprinkled in and amongst the legitimate feces stain removal company area a few suspect comments, like “im david michler. i had feces all over myslef the other day and this tide works great! i dont know how i got it on me but when i woke up 3 guys ran out my room. and it was all over my shirt and pants. i used tide about 3 days after the incident and it got it out with very little stains left over. thank you tide. i love you.” Then there’s “Josie” who says that until Tide came along, she used to take his soiled underwear back to Walmart for a refund, and “tammy ampersand” who warns against using Mountain Fresh for douching, “as it attracts birds.” No doubt sociologists will some day come up with a technical term for this juvenile online behavior, which has been seen in the past in the Amazon product reviews for the “Oozinator” toy gun, and milk. My only disappointment is that the related thread, “Big Game Stains and Solutions” had nothing in there about getting elk blood out. The sure-to-be-soon deleted message board posts, inside…

dmichler wrote: Thu Feb 21 at 2:13 PM

im david michler. i had feces all over myslef the other day and this tide works great! i dont know how i got it on me but when i woke up 3 guys ran out my room. and it was all over my shirt and pants. i used tide about 3 days after the incident and it got it out with very little stains left over. thank you tide. i love you.

josie01 wrote: Sun Mar 30 at 10:09 AM

Unfortunately, I have narcolepsy. There have been a few times where I wake up with my undergarments soiled. I live in a rural area and if I hang them up to dry outside, all who pass by see my dirty underwear. Instead, the most affordable way I found was to take the origional package and return them back to wal-mart after all the fecal matter has dried (that way they can not tell from the smell). Being from a rural area, these people know who I am and I am afraid that one day they will know that the soiled panties are from me. Plus, I am really tired of returning these underwear. Does anyone have ideas how I may wash these in the comfort of my own home?

tammyampersand wrote: Thu Apr 3 at 12:50 AM

I have found that tide is a good douche for “private areas” (both back and front, for the ladies!) if diluted at a 20:1 ratio, with a few tablespoons of white vinegar added. Don’t use “Mountain Fresh,” though, as it attracts birds.

subject: Feces Stains [Tide message board] (Thanks to Nick!)


Edit Your Comment

  1. jodles says:

    downy is used to make mummified skin softer so they can take fingerprints off of dead people. swear to god, ask bill bass.

  2. AMetamorphosis says:

    God this story is shitty …

    ( ducks )

  3. Dead Wrestlers Society says:

    Can’t imagine what it’s like to be a cashier and having someone bring in soiled underwear for a refund. Gotta love those customer service jobs.

  4. TheBestMaxEver says:

    OK OK — It may be a pooped story, but you have to recognize that Tide is meeting a need. I used to be a hospital nurse and I can’t begin to tell you how many times I had feces (As well as urine, blood, spit, and snot) from other people on my scrubs and sneakers. Thanks to my trusty Tide pen and $20 bottle of tide from Sam’s Club – My scrubs were always shiney and new. With that said, poop is not the most difficult biological stain to remove. Good job Tide none the less.

  5. ribex says:

    I don’t think that Tide opened the feces thread. It looks like anyone can create a thread.

    Here’s one under Stains, Personal:

    [thread title]does anyone else have this problem?

    tide downer wrote:
    Thu Jan 10 at 12:47 PM
    whenever i use tide i get very orgasmic and this leads to having to clean the cloths again and again. Its just such a good product. ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ohhhhhh there i go again sorry does anyone have a solution?

  6. renilyn says:

    @jodles: Actually, ya, you’re right. It is also very frequently used by forensic scientists for “floaters” (those who have been hanging out in water after they die).

    Along the same lines… there is NOTHING like using a lil Downy and water to remove 3 billion year old wallpaper!!!

  7. MerylBurbank says:

    I gotta hand it to Tide, it does the best job removing skidmarks. Apparently it works better than Charmin.

  8. jchabotte says:


    Someone informed me that sitting on a bidet is a good way to prevent having to use too much charmin, but it doesn’t work too well when AC Slatering.

  9. @MerylBurbank: Yeah Charmin is only for the prevention of them :D

  10. EBounding says:

    Is it still 4/1?

  11. skitzogreg says:

    These stories are my favorite.

  12. polyeaster says:

    Tide is a huge environmental offender, though, aren’t they?

  13. mduser says:

    @ribex: ROFL! Boy people must be bored over there.

  14. whatdoyoucare says:

    @TheBestMaxEver: Thank you! If you are a parent who has had to toilet train a 2 year-old you know that sh#t happens. It’s nice to know that someone is there to help.

  15. Trai_Dep says:

    Scat, ugly stain. Scat!

  16. Sociologists already have a technical term for this juvenile online behavior: Comedy Gold.

  17. CaptainConsumer says:

    Sounds like some of the old Yahoo Comment Trolls are perfecting their craft. My guess would be (since I monitor their online handiwork for company X) they came from here:


  18. AMetamorphosis says:


    Thinly veiled advertisements for other websites are lame …

  19. CaptainConsumer says:


    If ONLY. I hate those guys. Your message board is their playground. The worst of the worst

  20. Coles_Law says:

    I wonder if Tide will be putting this in their next ad campaign?

  21. Mr. Gunn says:

    BTW, Ben, you old fuddy duddy, the reviews of Tuscan Whole Milk, at least initially, were nothing short of brilliant postmodern art. I don’t know what they’re degenerated into since then.

  22. J. Gov says:

    Also disappointed in the lack of a big game stains goldmine. Especially when “most dangerous game” comments are just begging to be made.

  23. pestie says:

    I know a woman named Josie who I can totally picture logging on to a Tide forum and posting a message like that. She has the second weirdest sense of humor of any woman I’ve ever known.

  24. MissTic says:

    Tite ruined a washing machine my mother had. Now I know why!

  25. katylostherart says:

    soiled underwear back for a refund…


  26. brennie says:

    in the days before disposable diapers, this would have been valuable info. Now we pile up a mountain of poop filled plastic disposables and throw them in a landfill where they fester forever – 3.4 million tons worth – while insisting on paper over plastic at the grocery store. Well, at least they got those little tapettes that come up around the groin area instead of pins.

  27. snowygal18 says:

    Under the Oozinator, the only “So you’d like to…” is “Skeet skeet all over your lady.”

    Just thought that should be mentioned.

  28. Bruce says:

    You mean to tell me all this time, all we needed to get rid of those two shit stains commonly referred to as Bush & Cheney, was Tide? Why didn’t somebody send me the memo??