Bulletproof Backpacks For Kids

Because it’s every American’s right (duty?) to be scared, and to shop, someone has invented the perfect terror protection must-have for back-to-school: bulletproof backpacks! The inventors, both of them fathers of school-age children, say the special plate sewn into the back of the bag can withstand not only bullets, but machetes, hatchets, and Ka-bar knives.

The bags went on sale this week for $175 each and weigh less than Kevlar vests. Kevlar vests were so 2004 anyway.

Still no word on when brightly-colored kids’ tasers will hit the market, though.


Dads push bulletproof backpacks in schools [Boston Herald via Metafilter]

(Photo: SolGrundy)


Edit Your Comment

  1. Trai_Dep says:

    I’ll bet they do BOFFO sales to the 20% that thinks that Saddam Hussein flew jets into the WTC. After building a stockpile of nuclear missiles in Iraq. That the Democrats hid. Because they hate America.

  2. HungryGrrl says:

    Statistics do show that when maniacs are out shooting school kids, they always aim for the backpack, rather than the head or chest!

  3. Trai_Dep says:

    Wait. So this means it’s kewl to open fire on playgrounds again? Hot DAMN!!

  4. chrispiss says:

    I bet they make a fortune off those rich, paranoid suburban types with money they don’t know what to do with.

  5. Nick says:

    @HungryGrrl: The article said the backpack would be used like a shield held in front of your chest/head/whatever when running away.

  6. Grivooga says:

    I have a Calculus textbook that I’m fairly confident would stop a bullet and would take hours to hack through with a knife and it only cost me $120. A bargain by comparison. Of course it’s not like school kids aren’t hauling around enough weight. I pass elementary school kids waiting at bus stops that are carrying book bags bigger (and probably heavier) than they are. Even if it does only add the approximate weight of a bottle of water it’s just ridiculous and reeks more of someone profiting from paranoid parents.

  7. GitEmSteveDave says:

    How would you hold it up running away?

    Besides, it’s actually proven the best way to NOT get shot is to run in a zig zag fashion TOWARDS the gunman. It is. Look it up. I’ll wait.

  8. GitEmSteveDave says:

    @Grivooga: I think your Calculus book would also stop the knives and machetes. How many kids have brought machetes to school?

    “This? Oh, it’s for Ms. Pliskin’s Home Ec class. We’re studying the harvesting of sugar cane. Yeah, that’s the ticket.”

  9. Youthier says:

    What I find funny is that in a lot of schools, you’re no longer allowed to carry your backpack into classrooms so that you can’t hide a gun to yank out during class. So…

  10. kgazette says:

    The idea, according to the creators, is that kids can hold it up like a shield during a school shooting. Of course, this would not have worked in my high school, where we were not allowed to have our backpacks outside of our lockers during school hours. And do you really want your kid to be the one that hears gunshots and says to his friends “I’ve got to go get my backpack!” instead of “let’s get out of here!”

  11. Trai_Dep says:

    For real? First schools ban lockers since all kids are crack dealers, so the waist-high Tony Montanas can’t store their books there. NOW they ban backpacks to stop Lil Hinkleys (and Oakleys)? Along with banning Aspirin (drugs!). Madness.

    Why don’t they just cut to the chase and mandate all students attend naked, after being hosed down to prevent biological agents. I’m sure there are plenty of Republican pols that would be happy to help. Sponge them down.

  12. mconfoy says:

    Humvee owners will all want their kids to have them.

  13. VashTS544 says:

    @ Trai_Dep;
    As long as students wear ‘black censor bars’. Because God forbid some one seeing the opposite sex naked! Despite the fact that these neo-con/Christians believe that God made Adam and Eve, so why not admire the beauty of the opposite sex? Thats right, because it leads to premarital sex, and we all know how well their ‘abstinence only’ program is working out. Face it, no matter how much security we have, there will ALWAYS be violence.

  14. Ola says:

    In theory, it isn’t a terrible idea, but if I were trying to run/hide, I think the LAST thing I’d want is a heavy backpack loaded with books and things to make noise. I’d probably drop it if possible.

    @ Grivooga: Might wanna rethink that…

  15. faust1200 says:

    Little Billy and Sally will feel the warm embrace of safety when you send them off to school with a bulletproof backpack. Studies show that learning is enhanced when the student is shrouded in hi-tech ballistic material. “But Mom, Jimmy and Katelyn don’t have bulletproof backpacks…? That’s because Jimmy and Katelyn’s parents don’t love them.” Ok, bye kids! No really, bye!

  16. eliancom says:

    The stupidity of further armoring a backpack has been already pointed out, the added weight to an already heavy implement should be more of a concern to parents. Unfortunately, parents are misled by sensational news in the media about risks to their children. School shootings, abductions and the like make good TV ratings, but these are statistically highly unlikely events.
    This medical study show that the effects of carrying a heavy school backpack are real and can be serious [www.medscape.com] . Notice that legislation enacted in Austria stipulates that backpacks must weigh no more than 10% of the child’s body weight. If a parent still deemed the armored plate a necessity, the child would have to gain 10x the plate’s weight to compensate.

  17. GitEmSteveDave says:

    @eliancom: The plate they are using is more than likely a ceramic plate which takes the force of the bullet/projectile, and crumbles, thus expending the energy of the bullet and stopping it. They are very light, like the article says, about the weight of a bottle of water.

  18. Ohhhhhhhhh! Please let us know when those brightly-colored tasers come out. I’d like one in karma blue, cloud white, and…

    If only they could make cell phones with a stun laser like the Phasers in ‘Star Trek!’

    Here’s an idea, if all kids were to get buffed up by taking steroids (like a vaccination)then maybe bullets and knives could not pierce their muscle plated bodies!
    OMG! I’m a problem solving genius!


  19. homerjay says:

    Why don’t we just make school uniforms out of kevlar?

    Good Lord, I think I may have just given some idiot a ‘great idea.’

  20. GitEmSteveDave says:

    @adriennezurub: Some magazine did a ultimate iPod accessory spoof, and one of them was a taser. Maybe they could incorporate it into the iPhone. I think the commercial would be cool. You could taser the guy, call the police, fine a victims support group in the area, and even post the video on YouTube. Now THAT is a ‘great idea’.

  21. Trai_Dep says:

    Maybe they should simply pass out loaded handguns (knives for the pre-schoolers)? Best defense = good offense?

    Perhaps the 1/3 million semi-auto rifles and pistols the Army lost in Iraq could be recycled to, say, Colorado, once we ask (really nicely) the Iraqis for them back?

  22. The backpack is useless if the shot comes from the front.

    A better idea would be put the child into a gimpsuit that is made from Kevlar or some sort of material that would stop bullets.


  23. Blueskylaw says:

    Are these the same fathers that co-own the bullets, machetes, hatchets and Ka-Bar knives store?

    With furniture refinishing on the side.

  24. andrewsmash says:

    I think I remember a story like this from back in the “gangsta wars” of the early 90’s. Of course, back then it was about inner-city black kids, so now that it involves a bunch of upper-class white kids, it’s brand new all-over again.

  25. Trai_Dep says:

    You know the second that Timmy gets his kevlar backpack, Tommy, Blair and Eddie will be pestering their parents for teflon bullets.

  26. synergy says:

    Someone should send a few boxes to Iraq.

  27. synergy says:

    @Ola: Those were all paperbacks. My textbooks of Calculus and just about any science always had a hardback that alone weighed two pounds. I’m thinking the hardback would do a better job of slowing down a bullet.

  28. VashTS544 says:

    I agree with Synergy.
    While a text book of that size may not completely stop a bullet, it will take off a lot of its velocity, therefor making the bullet less lethal. While it might still hit you, it will not embed itself as deeply, a real plus despite the fact that you had been shot in the first place. Of course, if you get hit in the head, you better pray that the speed was slow enough that your skull can deflect it. It take an act of God to save your life if a bullet enters your brain.

  29. FLConsumer says:

    While the Hummer & Yank Tank mommies will be buying this for little Johnny, I can’t wait for the thugs to start buying them to store their “shiat” and guns and using these to help them shoot rival gang members.

  30. Trai_Dep says:

    I love the idea of stone-cold, gun-wielding, str8-outta-da-hood, representin’ gangstahs wearing Transformers, Spiderman & High School Musical book bags.

  31. rawsteak says:

    maybe i’m wrong or being “racist,” but I went to a public school in the city, and I think it’s ironic, sad, and hilarious at the same time that inner-city youth have all kinds of violence pretty frequently in schools, and no backpacks were made. Then a few schools get shot up where some WHITE people live, and it’s inventing time! let’s plaster a few pictures with WHITE kids looking casual with their new bulletproof backpacks! Your kids don’t live in a militarized war zone, but now they can be fashionable living like they were!

  32. andyj76 says:

    I’m a bit behind on my posts (yay Google Reader for keeping track), but in the UK, Spack is a derogatory term which can be used to indicate someone of questionable intelligence.
    So, “My Child Spack” could be an appropriate name…