• The 10 Page Geek Squad Confession – “Stealing Customers’ Nudie Pics Was An Easter Egg Hunt”
“Geek Squad agents scour your computer for those porn pics you and your girlfriend(s) took, and load it onto their thumb drives. Even the ones you thought you deleted.”

• Get Your Defective Laptop Replaced By Sending Well-Written Emails To Steve Jobs
“We have, on occasion, heard tales of people emailing Steve Jobs and magically, as if carried on the wings of angels, a new laptop appears at their door, along with 12 lbs of really good salami, a bubblegum machine, and one of those rare Star Wars posters that everyone wants. Apparently, there is a little bit of truth to the legend. Don’t worry vegans, there’s no salami.”

• How To Get Into A Baseball Game
“…single seats are the bane of a team’s existence – no one wants them….individual seats can remain available for a long time and be in really go locations.”

• Cool Whip Is Lube
“Polysorbates are made by polymerizing ethylene oxide (a precursor to antifreeze) with a sugar alcohol derivative. The result can be a detergent, an emulsifier, or, in the case of polysorbate 60, a major ingredient in some sexual lubricants.”

• Top Geek Squad Stories To Date
“…an elderly couple who trusted the Geek Squad to repair their computer, only to get a call from a good Samaritan who bought their hard drive at a flea market.”

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