Richard called Time Warner Cable to ask when his service would be restored. The rep wouldn’t tell him specifically, or stray from her script, including the part where she upsells him…

TIME WARNER: Sir, I see that we provide you with digital television and Road Runner high speed Internet, would you be interested in a special package that would also include phone service?

RICHARD: Are you kidding me?

TIME WARNER: No. It’s a great deal and it will cost you much less than you’re being charged by your current provider [Verizon].

RICHARD: You misunderstood me. I wasn’t expressing surprise over the great deal. Uh, Forgive me for stating the obvious, but if I was using your phone service right now we wouldn’t be having this conversation.

TIME WARNER: How do you mean sir?

RICHARD: I mean that my phone service would be down along with my television and Internet connection.

TIME WARNER: Our service has been rated the most reliable by….[ CLICK]

I can see that the shit we sold you before is broken, how would you like to buy some more? They really just want you on the phone plan so when service shuts down, you can’t call in and complain.

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