Soylent Soy

Soy sauce. The 1800 year old condiment of kings! Splashed on Chinese noodles, garnished on hamburgers, drizzled across salad, there’s scarcely anything short of ice cream or a lover’s belly soy sauce doesn’t taste great on.

It is a condiment well in demand all over the world, but particularly in China… so much in demand that a counterfeit soy trade has emerged, making soy sauce out of liquefied human hair.

In a stunning report from… we’re not joking… “Queers World Research”, it was discovered that thousands of gallons of artificial soy sauce in the Hubei province was being created by stewing discarded, dandruffed follicles recovered from barber shops. The worst part? Because the hair was swept up from the floors of barber shops and hair salons and dumped straight into the soy vats, the hair is mixed with “condoms, used hospital cottons, used menstrual pads and used syringes”.

What the hell kind of barbershops is China operating, anyway?

Hair Soy Sauce []


Edit Your Comment

  1. Anonymously says:

    I have it on good authority that you can get a “happy ending” in many barbershops there, with or without haircut.

    Btw, this is seriously gross.

  2. Grody.

    Everytime I eat soy sauce now, I am going to think of this.

  3. Papercutninja says:

    What the hell?! As an American of Chinese descent, i am embarrassed. I remember my mom being skeptical of grocery products from Mainland China, buying only stuff from Taiwan and Hong Kong because she said that a lot of the products are “fake”. I never understood what she meant. Now I do. Lesson? Don’t buy foodstuff that is made in China. I barely want to buy NON-FOODSTUFF from China.

  4. Mr. Black says:

    Back in highschool I once drank a bottle of soysauce on a bet…I’ve always wondered why that third-nipple started to grow, now I know.

  5. Ishmael says:

    Dear God – someone please tell me this is not real. I don’t even care if you’re lying.

    /barfs quietly in the corner

  6. Jason Chen says:

    I read something about this the other day, and some chemist said it was impossible to make anything that tastes like soy sauce from human hair. Especially human hair that has traces of condoms, cottons or menstrual pads.

  7. AcidReign says:

    …..How is human hair even related to soy? I’d think it would catch fire before reaching any melting point. And the smell of burning human hair is even grosser than the story above!

  8. Apparently the hair is used to make some kind of protein powder from which the sauce is in turn formulated. They’re not just stirring a bunch of hair in a cauldron and expecting it to turn into soy sauce.

    This, of course, also means that pointy foreign objects are likely to be completely screened out at the powder-creation stage, and blood and other organic matter will just be broken down like all the other protein.

    I don’t know how the process works, though; perhaps it’s possible for various germs and/or poisons to make it through to the final product.

    From The People Who Brought You Counterfeit Eggs!

  9. melinda says:

    The whole debate has, apparently, been sparked off by the proposed erection of a statue commemorating Norman Collie and his local guide John Mackenzie on the island belstaff jackets of Skye.