It’s Monday Morning. A fresh week of consumerist complaint awaits us! With approximately one million, seven hundred thousand customer service calls fielded per day (source: our ass), even if an optimistic 0.01% of those calls is fielded by a cretinous sack, that is a yield of over 17,000 unsatisfactory customer service interactions. Slimy bottom feeders that we are, we want to hear about them!

If you’re totally off base, there is, of course, a chance you might end up finding yourself ridiculed instead of the company. That’s something you should know going in. We’re not here to suck anyone off: ultimately, our mission is to preach responsible consumerism, and that means stamping down hard on the spines of self-entitled, whiny complaints as much as biting away at the corporate behemoths. Frivolous complaints unreasonably voiced cheapen the cause. But it’s easy to avoid this: we like reasonable, intelligent consumers who do everything in their power to resolve a situation amiably before they contact us, not the guys who start screaming seconds into a phone call with a CSR. Anyone with any introspection should be able to realize if they are the former, rather than the latter.

But our audience is largely intelligent, full of vim, throbbing with consumerist pride but not self-righteousness. Which is why we almost always love to hear from you. So if you’re having a problem, write us. Let us help. We want to help.

Last week’s reader’s stories after the jump.

Undiluted Drink? That’ll Be Another Buck.
Tipster Don’ts: We Don’t Care For Rape Analogies
The Art of The Buy: Hide Your Time Wisely
When Credit Is Safer Than Debit
So You’ve Decided To Join The Army Just To Cancel Your Cellphone
The Dumbest Dell CSR Who Ever Lived
CCBill Professional In The Face of Non-Linear Sexual Cravings
Delta Crashes Man’s Wedding With Similarly Titled In-flight Movie
Love’s Labor Lost, Thanks to American Airlines
Kroger Just Needs a Warm Body
UPDATE: Bally’s Tele-Customer Service Blows
Bank of America Lies and Lies and Lies
Krap Kroger Gets It Wrong, Gets It Right
Reader Wants A Job. We Give Him One!
T-Mobile Forbids You From Recording Customer Service Calls
Dell’s Low Call Time Kills Customer Service

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