Kroger Just Needs a Warm Body

Desirous of being a productive member of society and needing a way to subsidize his Marlboro Light addiction, Bill got himself hired at Kroger supermarkets. The strenuous application process required he walk up to the customer service desk, express his interet, fill out a form, take an oral drug test and be able to fit into a “cotton-poly blend Kroger polo shirt. “

    “Make sure all the stems face the same way, and remember when stocking produce do it first in first out.”

    “Ah yes, FIFO! I’m familiar with accounting terminology; you see I have recently obtained a business degree from a community college in a town far far away.”

    “Huh? Accounting? No! You’re produce, and don’t forget to punch in!”

Despite dubbing himself “contemptible,” Mr, Canfield had enough self-respect to walk off the Kroger job after only three hours on it.


Edit Your Comment

  1. konstantConsumer says:

    what a dick. he thought he would get an accounting job by applying at a grocery store? and what type of pay did he expect? 25 an hour? what an idiot.

  2. Feeling down? Let Mr. Canfield cheer you up:

    I needed the self-gratification one could only get from collecting imaginary internet friends. I swallowed my pride and made yet another myspace profile. “This time,” I swore to myself, “this time would be different!” I wanted to see just how many friend adds I could get in a 24 hour period. I hopped from whore train to whore train, adding random friends from the busty and bronzed model types, to the black-lipsticked and tattooed “suicide girls.” Within 24 hours I already accumulated over 100 new friends. Most people whom I’d never met nor ever meet in reality… but once you rediscover an old hobby/my space addiction, real friends are the least of your worries!

  3. Kornkob says:

    Where’s the consumer angle on this?

  4. TPIRman says:

    Agreed, konstant. Not only was that story pointless, but the “dialogue” read like a bad screenplay. Put down the thesaurus, Mr. C.

  5. Ben Popken says:

    Kornkob: Just how little it takes to get a job at Kroger.

  6. Well as a former Kroger employee from “back in the day.” The day being that long forgotten time of applications, interviews and waiting periods (though pre-drug tests).

    I was 15 then and I’m not sure I would have stuck around with anyplace as large as Kroger saying I was hired on the spot!

    Though I will agree with one thing, I was advised all the time in my first month on the job that I was moving too fast. And I did walk out on the job after a few years when my manager conveniently “forgot” that school was starting up again and no I couldn’t work days!

    Still though, what’s the point of this story? In less than 24 hours, I’m not sure what perspective he really could have gained working there, and shouldn’t he have asked about the pay BEFORE he said he’d take the job?

    Sounds like a Morgan Spurlock wannabe to me, “30 Days in 3 hours!”

  7. Lemurs says:

    Yes, it’s a good example of how little it takes to get hired at a supermarket…but is that even interesting? I worked at a supermarket when I was 14. The only thing I was qualified to do was be locked in a room alone with a towel for a few hours. It’s not a rocket science job, what kind of qualifications should you really need?

  8. Lemurs says:

    Also, let me just say that his self-entitled attitude is the kind of thing that drives me crazy. If you want money, stay at a job, you slacker. If you want good money, work harder doing something else. It’s not coming to you for free. (Damn kids are turning me into a grumpy old man at 30.)

  9. Kornkob says:

    *shrug* I have to agree. I can’t imagine why anyone is surprised at the fact that it is easy for an able bodied adult to land a sub-living wage job doing unskilled labor.

  10. The_Truth says:

    Supermarket short on staff.

    Supermarket hires applicants immediatly.

    Shock! Horror!
    The cynic in me wonders whether this blogger happens to know ben & Co, and in an effort to get some page ranking, made up a semi relevant story and got mad linkage from the consumerist.
    But then, thats the cynic in me. You only have yourselves to blame for that consumerist! you made me this way!!!!

  11. RogueSophist says:

    Why couldn’t this guy take the time to pick up the phone (or, god forbid, walk back into the store) and speak with a manager, letting him or her know that the job wasn’t for him? So he understandably hated the job — no need to get Mr. Jose in trouble when the oranges aren’t bagged in a few hours. What an ass.

  12. AcilletaM says:

    Man, somebody needs to order a code red on him and beat him with a bag of oranges.

    Are you sure the connection isn’t self-entitled pricks who can’t work minimum wage jobs?

  13. yumyum says:

    Gangbangers. Don’t take the story so seriously.

  14. yumyum says:

    Yoni writes:

    “The Kroger guy sounds a lot like Ignatius from John Kennedy Toole’s “A Confederacy of Dunces”. It almost makes me think he’s being satirical.”

  15. trixare4kids says:

    Who starts a job without asking about the rate of pay and general benefits, anyway?

  16. MosH8ed says:

    yumyum: Thanks for “Confederacy” reference. That’s one of my all-time favorite novels. I tried to capture my experience at Kroger in an anecdote that I hoped would be both entertaining and humorous. This afternoon, while rifling through some of my favorite gawker media blogs, I came across the “Krap Kroger” post and realized that my experience with Kroger, my “Ignatius moment,” was pertinent to the topic at hand; thus prompting me to submit my story. It seemed like only a few of the “commenters” genuinely “got it,” while the others needed further explanation. Like yumyum said, “Don’t take the story so seriously.”KonstantConsumer: I wasn’t expecting an accounting job. I did, however, find it quite strange that most of the employees were using accounting terminology without ever seeing a general ledger or knowing what A/P stands for.
    Johnny: I read you’re blog, and it seems like you too are a member of “thesauruses anonymous.”

  17. MosH8ed says:

    Urban bohemian: When I was hired, the manager who was hiring me claimed that I’d be starting at $8.50 and that soon I’d move up to manager. The Produce manager, “Mr. Jose”, reassured me that I’d only be making $6.00 for the next six months, regardless of education or relevant work experience, and I’d have to work there for at least a year before I was even considered for a management position. I omitted this part from the story to avoid boring readers with unnecessary jargon and to facilitate flow. I’m not now, nor have I ever been Morgan Spurlock wannabe.

  18. MosH8ed says:

    Lemurs: I’ve been working since I was 16 years old. My first job was, in fact, a supermarket bagboy. Now I’m 25, and in all my years as a member of the work force, I have never taken a job that paid less than my previous. Before that, I was making $15 an hour working the 3rd shift at the usps. Before that, I was managing a store of my own.
    RogueSophist: I did finish bagging the oranges. You’d know that if you actually read the story. Jose was, however, the guy who told me to work slower.
    AcilletaM: What’s with all the rage and anger? Maybe you and I could get together this weekend and try to work out all of your anger issues. I’ll bring the oranges.

  19. AcilletaM says:

    I think you’ve done Johnny a great disservice. I’m pretty sure of an ‘anonymous’ group should not out another member. It might be one of the twelve steps, I’m not sure.

  20. timmus says:

    Back in 1988 I worked as a stocker in a Dallas area Skaggs Alpha Beta for a total of eight hours. I was given nebulous directions and left by myself to bust through stock as quickly as the rest of the team was doing elsewhere. The team would have me on aisles without any help, then the team leader would yell at me for not following directions that I never got; rinse and repeat. Getting ready to go at dawn, he said, “Go down and pick up some deodorant. You stink!” What a clusterf**k… I never went back for a second night of that.

    Granted it was probably an unlucky personality situation, but those eight hours rank as my only experience working in retail.