Kroger Just Needs a Warm Body

Desirous of being a productive member of society and needing a way to subsidize his Marlboro Light addiction, Bill got himself hired at Kroger supermarkets. The strenuous application process required he walk up to the customer service desk, express his interet, fill out a form, take an oral drug test and be able to fit into a “cotton-poly blend Kroger polo shirt. “

    “Make sure all the stems face the same way, and remember when stocking produce do it first in first out.”

    “Ah yes, FIFO! I’m familiar with accounting terminology; you see I have recently obtained a business degree from a community college in a town far far away.”

    “Huh? Accounting? No! You’re produce, and don’t forget to punch in!”

Despite dubbing himself “contemptible,” Mr, Canfield had enough self-respect to walk off the Kroger job after only three hours on it.