I love my MacBook Pro: it’s damned hot. And by ‘damned hot’, I mean that not only does it cause vacuous hipster chicks to spontaneously become impregnated when they see me walking by with it tucked under my arm, but I also mean that it’s fortunate that such divine conception happens, because after months of use, my loins look like someone fired a laser cannon at the crotch of a Ken doll.

Gawker internal policy prevents me from posting a photograph of my genitalia, which is lucky for Apple, since it would blow the entire MacBook heat issue wide open, Vincent Ferrari style. Still, the image to the right of a MacBook user actually frying an egg on the underside of his MacBook should illustrate the point. The fried ovum is symbolic of one of my testicles. The spatula is not symbolic of anything, except that I’ve had to use them myself to ungraft myself from the underbelly of my laptop after extended use.

Cook breakfast with your MacBook [TUAW]
Related: Inflammatory MacBooks

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