I love my MacBook Pro: it’s damned hot. And by ‘damned hot’, I mean that not only does it cause vacuous hipster chicks to spontaneously become impregnated when they see me walking by with it tucked under my arm, but I also mean that it’s fortunate that such divine conception happens, because after months of use, my loins look like someone fired a laser cannon at the crotch of a Ken doll.