On Monday we found the innuendo splattered Amazon reviews for the SuperSoaker Oozinator (a squirt gun which shoots slime and water in a very phallic fashion) wiped clean by some unknown, possibly socked, hand.

Using the power of Google cache we uncovered some but many were missing like the special personal publications hidden behind the bed after our mom cleaned our room. Woe.

Thankfully, reader Tralfamador is handier at search engine manipulation and he scraped out more of the missing reviews from the sticky crevices they’d been secreted.

Read the taint, after the jump…

Here’s what customers said about the Oozinator, at least until Amazon removed the reviews this week.

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“1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:

= Durability = Fun = Educational = Overall
Ooz or Lose!, May 4, 2006
Reviewer: Ima Retard “Ima” (USA) – See all my reviews

I’m not sure if any one else is having this problem with their Oozinator but mine developed sores and started to flake. It also started to turn redish and became itchy to hold. I usually pump my Oozinator with much force while tightening the belt around my neck but now it just hurts to hold the Oozinator. I asked my wives if it seemed a little odd looking and they had a conserned look on there 13 year old faces. My Oozinator usually shoots out the 10 ounces of Goo its supose to, but now it sprays a vibrant red mist wich is starting to concern me. So I went to Toys-R-Us where I first discovered the Oozinator in the kids area and ask the clerk if they could check my Oozinator. I wipped it out and 3 employees vomited at the site. I never got my money back and am now righting from a prison cell. Good news is my cell-mate loves my Oozinator and I cry my self to sleep…..thank you Oozinator!?”

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amazon.com product review quotes:

I swear half of the reviews on Amazon were made to be full of innuendo. That’s horrible.

“Downside- All the pumping and excitement really tuckers you out for about half an hour after you use it, but before long you’re all set to give’er another go even if your tank is running low!”

“Use a microwave oven to warm the goo up before you load it into the oozinator for an even more fun time “

“if you ever run out, you can just fill it up with more! all the kids in the neighborhood will come, and play with you!”

“One of the best innovations in group fun since the sleepover. I tested this toy out with some of my best girlfriends, and they all enjoyed being splattered with ooze. The only downside is your hand gets a might tired after pumping your gun during long durations, so be sure to have a friend to help you pump it out. Once I had pretended the gun was stuck, and had my friend pump it while the nozzle was pointed at her face. She gave it a cock and was disdained to find her face covered in ooze! Some got in her mouth and she choked on it, she swallowed some but said it tasted kinda salty. I wouldn’t recomment swallowing it, but it’s non-toxic, so it won’t kill you to try.”

“This toy is outstanding. I bought one at Fascinations Adult Store. You can refill the cartridges by yourself if desired. The first batch of goo that came with it was not warm or salty, but I’ve since corrected that problem.”

“This toy is wonderful! I love spraying all the neighborhood boys with my bio-ooze. This toy shoots for quite a distance and the tank holds quite a sticky load. We laugh and play then afterwards we go in the back and get the boys all cleaned up.”

“I just love hosing down the neighborhood kids with my bio goo. Thank god this toy came around. It’s so much easier to save up your bio goo rather than running around with your pants down if ya know what I mean”

“especially effective on neighborhood girls”

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-NO DATE-
My uncle who got me the Oozinator always wants me to ooze all over my own face over and over while he records it with his new handy-cam… Sometimes he likes me to hit myself in the face with it. I wish i never got this stupid oozinator now. I am confused.

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Fun with all the boys, April 30, 2006
Reviewer: Father O’Mally (Boston) – See all my reviews
This toy is wonderful! I love spraying all the neighborhood boys with my bio-ooze. This toy shoots for quite a distance and the tank holds quite a sticky load. We laugh and play then afterwards we go in the back and get the boys all cleaned up.

Was this review helpful to you?

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“4 of 8 people found the following review helpful:

= Durability = Fun = Educational = Overall
I love my GUN, May 2, 2006
Reviewer: Robert K. Lancaster – See all my reviews

I love my gun, however i have discovered a potential problem for others. My big problem is my Wife. She never lets me shoot it inside. She is always saying “take it out, take it out” I tried telling her that for some reason it just feels better to shoot it inside. She says it makes a big mess. I asked her if there is anyway to compromise on this and we came up with an awsome idea. In stead of shooting it inside she is willing to let me spray the warm good anywhere outside it want. So yesterday afternoon I tackled her to the ground and shot the warm sticky goo all over the small of her back. Gotta love the GOO! “

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” = Durability = Fun = Educational = Overall
Ooze just shoots too quickly, May 4, 2006
Reviewer: Harold Carroll (Richmond, KY) – See all my reviews

As much fun as this toy is while it lasts, it does indeed tend to shoot the ooze much quicker than I would want. It’s good for me but my partners don’t enjoy it. “

” = Durability = Fun = Educational = Overall

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Make sure to lock your door, May 4, 2006
A Kid’s Review
My parents are strongly against playing with my oozinator alone, they want me to know a someone first and WAIT a while till I can use my oozinator. I thought this was stupid so I often lock my door and play with my oozinator alone. I also get with my buddies and friends, and we play with our oozinators together when we leave the house. And sometimes, we get on the computer or read magazines to help us learn how to shoot ooze better

Afterwards, we go around, oozing everyone in town. Everyone loves our ooze! They also like the gun, and often want to play with it too! We’re nice, so we often let them ooze us, too.. BUT MAKE SURE YOUR PARENTS DON’T CATCH YOU PLAYING WITH YOUR OOZINATOR. They say it’s unnatural, but we just want to have fun!”

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Previously:

• Oozinator’s Origins, Revealed!
• The Oozinator Squirts Its Way Into Our Hearts
• The Oozinator Delights Children

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