The Butterfinger — chocolate, peanut butter monolith otherwise known as the “Instant Cavity” bar — has started an innovative new advertising campaign in which the association between the Butterfinger and sticking one’s finger up one’s butt is indelibly etched into the minds of customers forever.

The campaign is called Follow The Finger. No thanks, we already know where it’s going — to root around in someone’s sphincter.

You can also apparently call a “Finger Fun Hotline” at (866) 8-FINGER. Fingering hasn’t been this fun since we dated Cathy Squires back in 9th grade!

The website invites you to “play with their monkey.” Again, we’ll pass.

It’s not nearly as clever as it sounds… with a few exceptions, the “wacky subversiveness” of the site is obviously plunged straight from the humorless asceticism of some marketing shill’s mind. “The Finger thinks its funny when someone pushes a door that clearly says pull?” We can come up with more subversive slogans than that:

The Finger thinks it’s funny to tie children to radiators.
The Finger can always tell when its her time of the month.
The Finger tells Muslims: “Mohammed was Jewish and Gay”

Boy howdy! Now those are subversive. Especially that last one — we think we just managed to offend ourselves. We know no one can top the Mohammed one for subversivity, but we’re sure you’ve got some less horrifically offensive slogans The Finger can use. So fill our comments section with them.

Follow The Finger [Butterfinger]

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