Today in Craigslist Barter NYC. It Ain’t Just Cheese for Plowshares Anymore.

This one is not what you think.

“Vacation at my house in the hamptons in exchange for….

What I’m looking for in exchange:
I need alot of tools such as a dewalt miter saw, good lawnmower, snowblower, chainsaw, leaf blower, floor sanding equipment, electronics, televisions, surround sound systems, etc…”

Tools for tools. Sounds like a sensible exchange.

This one is exactly what you think.

1 bedroom apartment available for that friendly sexy female. Am open to sugesstions.

May we suggest you move out? Second suggestion: using spellcheck is your first step to finding true love.

I have some Sephora and Toy r us gift card I didn’t need and I am looking for Pediasure vanilla w/ fiber ASAP. I am willing to pick it up.

Some serious niche bartering there. That niche being the higly desirable “Procrastinating, Niggardly, Superficial Moms With Incontinent Children.”

Ok, that was mean. Oh well.

Razor “TRIKKE” scooter

I spent $100 to buy this for my daughter…she rode it twice and was not interested.

Of course she wasn
t interested. Those things suck. Get a skateboard like a normal hooligan, you precious snit.

Ok, someone please parse the hidden meaning in this post. We
re sure it’s there but we keep nodding off…

Insomniac Seeks Other Insomniac to put them to Sleep.

I have a gift to making people fall asleep at any time.
I am looking for a female insomniac to work with.
I promise you I will take you on a mind trip around the world and beyond- you will not be able to keep your eyes open after 1 hour.

And finally, a clueless yet earnest female college grad is the winner of today’s most pathetic barter. Her desperate, misguided plea and our depraved indifference…after the jump.

I am in need of contact information…

I am looking for a job. I am a recent college grad with some experience in editing and writing as well as working at a health clinic for women; counseling them, answering phones and helping with lab work.

Ideally, I would like a job at a non profit organization where I can directly serve people in need or put my writing skills to work. I have a strong interest in women’s issues as well as all human rights issues and the environment.

I am also interested in working for a newspaper or magazine. I am basically in search of an entry level position that would allow me to improve my skills and learn new ones. If you know anyone who might be looking for a job candidate like myself, I would greatly appreciate it if there is any way you could put me in touch with them.

In return I can offer you a 5 disk sony cd changer, or my time to help you get something done, or a womens leather jacket or possibly something else we could negotiate over.

Thank you in advance

We’ll take your 5 disk sony cd changer in exchange for our contact at the Breakaway Bike Messenger agency. Maybe in that position you’ll learn something your college never taught you: how the real world works.