Murder Me Elmo II: “Who Has To Die?”

Murder Me Elmo Update! Turns out this story was just another cock tease, as Elmo is really just saying “Who has to go?” not “Who wants to die?” Or so the company insists:

The track was recorded as ‘Uh oh, who has to go’ and due to compression of the digital audio file, some consumers hear a different phrase…

We are absolutely certain the audio file was not tampered with. If one listens very carefully… it does indeed say ‘Uh oh, who has to go?’

We’re not quite so sure. We can buy the “who has to” instead of “who wants to”, but no matter how you listen to it that last word sounds an awful lot like “die”. Which means Elmo’s not just getting all subtly Heaven’s Gate-ish in the book, looking for co-playmates up for a super fun jaunt through immortality, but effectively asking who he should murder next. Which is about just what you’d expect from a blood red monster with a shrill nightmarish voice.

Lest we all lose perspective on this story, concerned mother Crystal Gimlin observed…

Some people think it’s funny, and maybe it is for you, but you really have to take into consideration what it’s telling these kids.

What’s that, exactly? That life is fleeting and should be embraced? Seems like the kind of thing most kids should be taught from birth. Or is the real message that someday, even Mommy and Daddy will die, leaving the little tyke alone forever? And that when they eventually die, it’s like being locked in a coffin, fully conscious yet unable to move, for all of infinity? You’re right, Crystal — that is a funny thing to tell a particularly obnoxious child.