Japan Cowers In Terror Before Threat Of Contaminated US Beef

The world yet again looks with dread at the foamy tongues and flickering eyeballs of our lowing herds.

On one hand, congratulations to Atlantic Veal & Lamb for shipping contaminated cow bones to Japan within two weeks of the ban on US beef being lifted. That
s the sort of fuck-up that can only be met with a golf clap.

On the other
Hello, Japan? Guess what? It isn’t very likely eating the brain of even the funkiest and craziest bovine is going to croak you. Don’t get us wrong – we can understand our Northern Neighbors getting excitable. A logical appraisal of chance is irrelevant to the residents of, say, Moose Knuckle, Saskatchewan—they need to ensure the purity of their beef jerky stocks, which accounts for 67% of Canada
s GDP. But shouldn
t the Japanese—who are so into science that they send their walking, talking robots to meet with foreign dignitaries&mdashlunderstand the difference between typical media hysteria and actual scientific threat? Because the chance of getting variant Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease is one in ten billion.

Imagine for a second that America banned the import of Japanese television sets the second they found out that Sadako had climbed out of one and started killing people. Then you
ll understand the absurdity of the actual threat versus Japan
s overblown hyper-reaction.


Edit Your Comment

  1. Brian Gee says:

    Japan isn’t the only country to freak out over Mad Cow Disease.

    Don’t forget that the US shut down Japanese beef imports when they found a single Mad Cow in Japan, and didn’t open up again until Japan started testing EVERY SINGLE COW they slaughtered.

    Two years ago when they found a sick cow in Washington, Japan shut down US imports. The USDA tried to pass the blame to Canada, as we were already banning Canadian beef (but not the beef from live cows that had been imported from Canada). They insisted that US beef was safe (even though meat from the sick cow had gone out to stores), and outlawed the tests for Creutzfeldt-Jacob disease. Talk about a double standard.

    After 2 years Japan opened their borders, even though the US tests NO cows. And what happens? We send them contaminated beef at the first opportunity, and you guys spin it as “overblown hyper-reaction.”

    These bans on beef imports have more to do with greed than with safety. One in 10 billion is hard to catch, even if the tests were being performed. It certainly won’t get found by statistical or random sampling. Instead the beef councils (both in the US and Japan) use these “outbreaks” to promote their local products as “superior”, even though in the absense of testing there is no way to know what is safe. Instead of the USDA experts educating and informing the public about the real threat, they pandered to media hysterics and exploit public ignorance to protect the beef industry’s business model. Apparently it was more important to make a quick buck than to insure the safety of the American public.

    Imagine for a second that American gas stations jacked up their prices whenever there was even the slightest threat of bad news, but didn’t lower prices long after the “crisis” had passed, while at the same time Big Oil is reporting record-breaking profits during a recession. Then you’ll really understand the absurdity. ;)

  2. airship says:

    Here’s the semicolon that got separated from your mdash entity: ‘;’
    Serioiusly, it’s good to see someone is still hand-coding HTML in this day of your fancy-schmancy WYSIWYG Web editors and Weblog tools. Props for being a hard-core geek, dude!
    Oh, and I like tainted meat, too. Has a gamey flavor you just can’t get from that antibiotic-laden pap we keep here in North America to eat ourselves. Why we export the tasty infected stuff to our trade partners overseas, I will never understand.