This is a tad old, but if you’re upset about not being able to find that coveted 4GB iPod Nano?? for Christmas, this prophetic look at the upcoming iPod Zepto (pictured: left) may put your consumerist fury in perspective.

From the fine lads over at McSweeney’s, who ought to be beaten into pulsating goo with a towel filled with oranges for denying visitors to their fine site an RSS feed:

Q: The iPod Zepto box was empty.

A: It’s not empty. Look closely at the period-sized dot in the middle of the box. Now, find the red rectangular square in the center of the dot. This is the outer packaging of your iPod Zepto. In a sterile, wind-free environment, carefully open the outer packaging and remove the clear-plastic inner wrapping. Finally, using the enclosed high-magnification lens, unwrap the plastic and look for a white case. Inside the white case is your iPod Zepto.

Q: My iPod Zepto stopped playing and now it keeps eating flakes of dead skin that have settled on my furniture.

A: That’s a dust mite. Unplug the headphones from wherever you’ve inserted them in the mite and try to locate your iPod Zepto.

Want more consumer news? Visit our parent organization, Consumer Reports, for the latest on scams, recalls, and other consumer issues.