How To Tell If You Have Religious Food
Last week, a couple in Dallas discovered a Jesus-shaped Cheeto in their bag of Cheetos. They promptly named it Cheesus, which is a masterstroke of marketing (although not that original, it turns out), and are considering auctioning it off on eBay—with the implied threat that if it doesn't sell, they may just eat it. The big question you may be asking yourself now is, "How can I get in on this racket?"
It's partly a matter of luck, but it also takes a good eye for spotting the random edible miracle. You should also remember that context is everything: you might find a Shiva or an Apollo, but they're not going to be that newsworthy in the U.S., so stick with tried-and-true icons like Jesus or the Virgin Mary. A Cthulhu-shaped snack might net you some cult fame, but probably not a lot of money.
Over the weekend, I picked through a bag of Cheetos—or "my retirement chips" as I was calling them—looking for any recognizable icons I could sell. My theory was that any average bag of Cheetos should contain at least one auction-worthy chip. I had mixed success—out of one bag, I found four recognizable icons, but only one of them was definitely religious in nature. I have emailed Frito Lay to inquire about a buy-back program, but have yet to hear from them. I'd really rather not bring eBay or PayPal into this.
The fact that there were four in a single, random bag of Cheetos hints that this may be an unexplored market for the person willing to carefully sift through every bag of chips on the store shelf. If you take our freemoneyfinance guy's advice to heart and devote an hour a day to this, who knows what kind of riches you may eventually end up with?
Update: Frito Lay has answered my query. Unfortunately, their answer is no.
Hi. I sorted through a bag of Cheetos on Monday and found 4 different Cheetos that look like either religious figures, movie stars, or cartoon characters. I was wondering whether Frito Lay would be willing to buy any of them from me. One in particular looks like the Virgin Mary holding Baby Jesus aloft. Another one looks kind of like Socrates.
If you have some sort of buyback program for religious snack products, please let me know and I'll gladly pack them up and ship them to you.
Thanks!
Hi Chris,Thank you for writing to us about the interesting shapes in your bag of Cheetos.
You might want to start a collection or, like some people, sell them on E-Bay. We have quite a collection of our own—sent to us over the years by consumers who found them amusing.
We consider you a valued consumer and hope you will continue to enjoy snacks from Frito-Lay.
Best regards,
Linda
Frito-Lay Consumer Affairs
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Comments:
Can we get a video of infidel Cheetos being thrown to Captain Duval Moneycat in a mock Colosseum?
Transubstantiation--now in cheese flavor!
Seriously, how delicious are Cheetos? Artificial ingredients and flavors be damned.
Well now I've got to grab a bag of cheetos so I can see whether any of it can be a religious or cartoon icon. I'll be back with the results in a few delicious, cheesy minutes.
"My Own. Personal. Cheesus." Hahahahahaha!!!!!
I'd pay big for a kitty cheeto.
You have just invented the best party game ever!
Way too funny.
@GenerousHelpingOf_GitEmSteveDave: You could have, but after several beers Monday night I ate them all. Also, CDM doesn't live with me, because I refuse to share my oatmeal.
Depeche Mode had it all wrong and chris finally broke the news of the real lyrics
I'm incredibly impressed by this. Suddenly it turns star gazing into Cheetos gazing.
I'm still stuck on this - The couple is saying they will eat the Cheesus if it doesn't sell.
Have you ever eaten a week-old Cheeto? That shit's nasty. I'll buy it from them just so no one has to go through that
(and then resell it as Cheesus H Bites)
what a waste of time
I will pay top dollar for a Cthulhu cheeto!
"Socrates running from a snake"
Having started the day off by stepping on a dirty diaper in the parking lot while walking through the parking lot in the rain wearing sandals, well, this helps make the day not quite so crappy.
Nothing says "I love my Lord" quite like auctioning him off on Ebay to the highest bidder !
There should be a Cheetos-look-a-like drinking game. So many drinks for a Jesus looking one, so many drinks for a Mary looking one, a cartoon looking one, an actor looking one and so on and so on...and the more you drink, the more the Cheetos look like whatever you want them to (lol)
Coming Summer 2010...
Transcheetos: Cheese Wars
Best Article Ever!
@acasto: It made me feel better too, but only because every time I read the name Socrates, I see it as "So-crates", as pronounced by Bill and Ted...
@Chris Walters: Hrmmm, I bet my three would do it. But then I would have to buy Cheetos, and I would end up eating them all. Dang!
Step 1: Distort suspect historical supposition as fact.
Step 2: Discount others as irrelevant non-believers.
Step 3: Claim food product is representative of your deity.
Step 4: Profit
@Chris Walters: I can't believe you ate kirk douglas AND kicked out CDM over oatmeal.
my opinion of you is incontrovertibly shattered.
@cristiana: how did you get the top dollar? I've been trying to find it for years, but every time I get close, someone else has it!
The scary part is that these are the same religious wackjobs that vote against gay marriage. Meanwhile they're praying to their Cheetos. You'd think they'd believe in the sanctity of snack foods.
I have nothing productive to add, I just want to have this post in my comments to I can easily refer back to it on a regular basis. I will be buying a bag of Cheetos on my way home from work tonight though.
Frito Lay should just rename their product Cheesy Jeesuses and give Chester Cheetah a halo.
WWCD?
@GenerousHelpingOf_GitEmSteveDave: A tedious dichotomy, to say the least. One cannot buy cheetos without also having the urge to down them all as fast as possible.
Perhaps get a hippie to do it? They know better than to eat that crap, it might unbalance their Chi.
That ain't Goopy, that Scooby Doo!
that's nothing, i once found a Dorito in a bag of Frito's
/truestory
I see your Cheesus and raise you Chicken of the World created using Tyson Chicken filets:
I saw some product obviously aimed at Catholics which will imprint an image of the Virgin Mary on your grilled cheese sandwich.
okay, so how does one ship the cheeto jesus? can you guarantee that it won't be crushed in transport?
@FooSchnickens: Yeah, but then they might be imposing their will upon a helpless creature. Damn hippies.
I like that you took the time to draw the boobs on the Virgin Mary.
RIGHT THIS MINUTE, I am eating a Teddy Graham that looks exactly like a teddy bear. Anyone want to pay me for it? It's doing half a jumping jack! No?
On a somewhat related topic, did you guys check out that video with the gigantic cheeto? I mean, bigger than the new gigantic cheetos they have these days? They made one special for the Giz or something. That looked like the nastiest thing ever. I'm OK with Cheetos, but bleh. Seriously.
And btw, I love this post. Probably one of the best I've seen on Consumerist.
mmm...sacralicious.
Speaking of religious symbols in foods, I once found a FSM in my spaghetti... oh wait
I need to buy tons of Cheetos now. I might strike it rich... or never eat Cheetos again.
More proof that Cheetos are from heaven!
![[i143.photobucket.com]](http://i143.photobucket.com/albums/r156/FooSchnickens/1eeb3e1c2ab8__1141272921000.jpg){kind=link}
Best post ever. LOL