The Oozinator Squirts Its Way Into Our Hearts

The Oozinator really is the toy marketing blunder that just keeps on giving. First, the priceless television spot, in which a panoply of children suppress their gag reflex as they squeegee ropes of creamy, sticky gelatin off of their faces. For some of our readers, this was likely their first introduction to the exciting world of subliminal pedophile bukkake. But while actually purchasing an Oozinator will open you up to prosecution under a number of federal child-sex statutes, people are still managing to have fun with one, as the hilarious Amazon.com product review page will attest.

I think something may be wrong with my oozinator. As I understood it, this is a toy that can be enjoyed by a beginner. However, having tried to use it on some of the neighborhood girls yesterday, I found that it begins to pump out its ooze within a few seconds of encountering a target, well before any fun has begun! Some of them said that they still had fun playing with it, but I got a feeling that they were disappointed in mine. I spoke to my grandfather about this problem, and he said I should be thankful it shoots at all, apparently he has an older version that no longer shoots out ooze, even after extended pumpings!

We’re sure you’ve got some innuendo-saturated mock reviews of your own to put up. Get to it, me buckos!

Oozinator Blaster Product Review Page [Amazon] (Thanks, fizzer fits!)
Previously: The Oozinator Delights Children

UPDATE: The Amazon review pages have been deleted. We’ve got some archived here.

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  1. Paul D says:

    this was likely their first introduction to the exciting world of subliminal pedophile bukkake

    Shakespeare eat your heart out.
    THIS is why I read Consumerist.

  2. P33KAJ3W says:

    I thought the Spiderman web shooters were bad…