Are you a highly functioning autistic with severely impaired social skills? Yeah, so are we. And, like many of our fellow Aspergerians, we’ve often taken time out from building Rube-Goldberg-like fusion reactors in our Mom’s basement to lament our poor success rate with the ladies. Even for the normal man, saying the right thing to a woman is a game of Russian Roulette, only instead of a bullet in the face, you find your testicles under heel to a grinding stiletto. But what if you can never manage to say the right thing?

Well, luckily, an intrepid teenage boy with Asperger’s has written just the book for you. Luke Jackson is 13 years old and has written a book called Freaks, Geeks and Asperger Syndrome which gives excellent advice to fellow Aspergerians. Actually, it’s a pretty cool looking book, and Luke seems like a smart, stand-up kid. But we had to crack a grin over this extract:

If the person asks something like ‘Does my bum look fat?’ or even ‘I am not sure I like this dress’ then that is called ‘fishing for compliments’. These are very hard things to understand, but I am told that instead of being completely honest and saying that yes their bum does look fat, it is politer to answer with something like ‘Don’t be daft, you look great’. You are not lying, simply evading an awkward question and complimenting them at the same time. Be economical with the truth!

Ha. Dude, if having made that mistake is enough to qualify you as autistic, hell, we’ve all got Asperger’s. Here’s another hint for you for when you’re older, Lucas: if a girl asks “What do you like most about me?” absolutely do not respond “Your vagina.” The truth hurts. Sometimes bone-snappingly.

Freaks, Geeks and Asperger Syndrome [Jessica Kingsley Publishers] (Thanks, Mind Hacks)