Bob writes:

1). Maytag Neptune front loading washer. They oughta call this the TwistMaster. Even on the hand-wash cycle, a garment with any length to it–pant legs, shirt sleeves–comes out twisted and knotted. The twisting also stretches the item. Further, even drying on a gentle cycle doesn’t always relax the wrinkles that the twisting imparts. Oh, and another thing: the rubber gasket around the door opening surpasses agar in a Petrie Dish as the perfect medium for growing mold. A real piece of shit, purchased at a premium price. Good for greasy shop towels, though!

More of Bob’s bad purchases, which probably entertain us far more than is reasonable, after the jump.

2). Toro CCR 1000 snow blower. When they designed this gem, Toro’s human engineering department must have been out to lunch. It’s got an electric starter. But unfortunately, the socket where you plug in the power cord is located way down underneath the rear part of the housing. To plug it in you’ve got to tilt the unit waaay forward–and then the gas runs out of the top. Not only is the socket located way down low, it’s recessed into a little dark hole, so you can’t even see it. You have to plug it in by feel. This wouldn’t be so bad if the socket and plug weren’t of the one-wide- and one-narrow-blade type. So, you’ve got a 50-50 chance each time to get it right. Why is it trial and error? No one thought to put a little diagram next to the dark hole to tell you how to orient the plug to the socket.

3) Almost forgot the thing about Jockey products. Today I bought three 3-packs of Jockey Classic T- shirts and washed them in the TwistMaster. ( I always wash new clothing before I wear it, doesn’t everyone?) Well these came out of the dryer looking like they’d be a good fit for a well-fed hog–they’re about as wide as they are long. Looking at the package label more closely, I read the phrase, “Comfortable Modern Fit.” Pretty good code which means, no doubt, “Will fit even the morbidly obese.” And here’s another interesting thing. The T-shirts in each 3-pack were made in a different country–the shirts in one 3-pack were made in Jamaica, those in the second were made in Honduras, and the shirts in the third were made in the United States. I didn’t realize this until I was folding the shirts and found that three of them were of especially poor quality, with improperly sewn hems, sagging neck lines, and pulled seams. Can you guess the country of origin of these three shirts? Yep, all made proudly in the the good ol’ US of A. I’ll be calling 1-800-JOCKEY1 first thing tomorrow. Should Jockey not permit me to return the shirts, looks like I’ve got some more shop towels.