shopping

• Today’s Toofertoosday Woot! is two Kensington Optical Wireless USB Mice for $17.99. Unfortunately, they look astonishingly crappy, involving a clunky base station connected by USB umbilical to your PC. Still, handy for garroting.

• Today’s Woot! is the ATO iSee 360i Video Recorder for 4G and 5G iPods. $189.99. Add this rebate for another $40 off (and remember never to make a purchase based upon a rebate… it’s imaginary money until you get it in your hand). Who needs such a thing?

• Good news, torture aficionados! Today’s Woot! is the Vector Jump Start System with Air Compressor for $29.99. Includes two clamps that will affix to any protuberance of flesh, whether earlobe, nipple or genitalia.

• Today’s Woot!: the D-Link DI-624M Super G MIMO Router for $39.99. If you don’t have it already, wireless is cool: I’m typing this on my toilet right now.

• The Wednesday Woot! is a svelted Toshiba Progressive Scan DVD Player with HD Upconversion HDMI Out and DivX Playback for $39.99. This isn’t true high-def, of course — merely some magical trickery where 480p is upscaled to look half decent at higher resolutions. Since my television was last upgraded around the time Andy Griffin went color, I’ll take everyone’s word that this is cool.

• Today’s Woot! is completely useless: two SecurityDR Data Guard Thumbdrive Locks for $4.99. The idea is you’re supposed to clamp it down on the end of your USB dongle so no one can access your files. Alternatively, you could just password protect the dang thing.

• I hate waking up in the morning and discovering that the morning Woot! is some mysterious devices the purpose of which completely eludes me, a Lud. It’s a Jensen 300 Watt 2 Outlet Power Inverter for $19.99. Actually bothering to read the Woot! text, it becomes clear that this device is meant to be plugged into the lighter port in your car, thus allowing you to use your Eazy-Bake oven to make cupcakes on the go.

• With TiVo’s increasingly nerfing its feature set to placate media fat cats, today’s Woot! might be of interest: the Adaptec GameBridge TV USB2 Video Capture/TV Tuner. Fight back! Capture your favorite shows and then setup a torrent. Information wants to be free; entitlement wants to be ubiquitous.

• Today’s Woot! is probably the closest you’ll ever get to a Dicky Tracy watch: the Swatch Paparazzi Smartwatch with a year’s free subscription to MSN Direct. It’s astonishingly ugly as a watch, but if you ever wanted to check movie times on a half-inch LCD, this is the watch for you.

• Today’s Woot! will help you identify your precise Ivan Ilych moment right before your heart explodes, right down to the millisecond: the La Crosse Wrist Blood Pressure Monitor for $14.99.

• Today’s Woot! is the Razer Diamondback Chameleon 1600dpi Gaming Mouse for $19.99. With seven programmable buttons and an electric glow, this is a pretty snazzy deal, although it does have a cord.

• It’s a Woot! Toofertoosday, and you know what that means: it’s Tuesday and there’s two of something. In this case, the Logitech X-120 2 Piece Multimedia Speakers 2 Pack for $12.99. Duo-Stereo Sound, apparently; perhaps audiophiles can tell me if that qualifies as quadrophonic.