Humans are a procrastinating bunch. Sure, many punctual and responsible people have already filed their federal and state tax returns, especially people who are owed a refund. Not you. You’re missing an important document or are too confused about all of this stuff to stay up doing the e-filing equivalent of running inside the post office door at 11:57 PM. You give up. This post is for you. [More]
panic
Apple Is Having Trouble Getting Enough Screens For The iPhone 5
By 8.31.12
If you’re planning on getting and iPhone 5 when it launches in a few weeks, you might want to be proactive about pre-ordering, because Apple is allegedly having trouble getting enough screens. [More]
20 People Die In Plane Crash Caused By Loose Crocodile
By 10.22.10
An August plane crash in the Democratic Republic of Congo was blamed on a balance in the small aircraft. But what caused that loss of balance? According to the flight’s only survivor, the passengers were running away from a stowaway on the flight: a live crocodile. [More]
Nervous Facebook CEO Claims People Are Overreacting To Privacy Changes
By 6.3.10
Business Insider says that the usually calm and collected Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg “seemed to melt on stage,” while answering questions from industry insiders at the All Things D Conference. They also report that Mr. Zuckerberg told the crowd that he doesn’t believe in giving users the choice to “opt-in” to privacy changes because back when Facebook introduced the “news feed” everyone freaked out — but it turned out OK in the end. [More]
Heinz To Change Recipe, Decrease Salt In Beloved Ketchup
By 5.14.10
The NY Post says that Heinz has found a way to decrease the amount of salt in their beloved ketchup — without changing the taste. Or so they say. [More]
VIDEO: Unusual Selloff 30 Min Ahead Of Crash?
By 5.10.10
Might there be more to last week’s crash than a “fat fingered” trade, or someone mistakenly entering a “billion” instead of a “million?” An online stock trader has a video showing an unusual spike in trading volume, followed by a very quick sell-off, by funds at large investment firms BlackRock and Vanguard and some other funds 30 to 15 minutes before the big crash. Prescience? Watch the video, check the logs, and decide for yourself. [More]
Stock Market Typo/Robot Apocalypse Still Being Investigated
By 5.10.10
Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner will meet with federal regulators and top officials from the NYSE and other exchanges to dicuss whatever the hell happened last Thursday that caused the stock market to completely freak out. [More]
Dow Jumps 400 On Euro Stimulus Loan News
By 5.10.10
Got whiplash? US and global indexes jumped on Monday, responding to news of a $1trillion European loan package to staunch their debt crisis. The rally reinstated the gains erased by a panicked sell-off driven by concerns that Greece’s debt crisis would infect other markets. [More]
Guy Sneaks Smoke In Airplane Bathroom, Jerry Bruckheimer Movie Ensues
By 4.8.10
Sneaking a smoke in an airplane bathroom is not a good idea these days. You may accidentally set off a Jerry Bruckeimer movie. Much like the recent incident where a drunk guy started yelling about jihad on a cruise ship accidentally activating a full on action movie, today we bring you the story of a Qatari diplomat whose secret cigarette on a United Airlines flight from Washington to Denver caused fighter jets to be scrambled. [More]
Impending Snow Makes Washington, D.C. Residents Lose Their Damn Minds
By 2.6.10
Gawker shared photos of pillaged Safeway and Wegmans stores in the Washington, D.C. metro area. Maybe it’s my roots in upstate New York’s snow belt, but I have to ask: D.C., you do remember that snow melts, right?
See, this is the effect of mass weather-induced panic and, apparently, an area almost wholly dependent on takeout food.
Food Companies Warn Of Impending Sugar Shortage, Misery, Doom
By 8.13.09
The food companies say we are on the brink of a sugar shortage that will wreak havoc on your candy bars and all that. According to the WSJ several large food companies including Kraft Foods Inc., General Mills Inc., Hershey Co. and Mars Inc. sent a letter to Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack warning that the US could run out of sugar if we don’t get rid of some tariffs.
Delta Is Going To Flip Out If You Wear A Neck Brace In The Emergency Exit Aisle
By 6.14.09
Ned wears a neck brace when he flies, not because he’s injured or disabled, but because he prefers it to one of those floofy neck pillows. This didn’t sit well with a Delta flight attendant who was intent on keeping disabled-looking folks out of the emergency exit aisle. The attendant wouldn’t leave Ned alone, even after Ned demonstrated his range of mobility and explained that the brace was from a minor car accident thirty-three years ago. Ned managed to hold onto his seat after a chat with the senior flight attendant, but the original flight attendant later came back, “got in [Ned’s] face ñ literally, just inches away” and complained that Ned had “bucked his authority.”
Swine Flu Fanatics Kick Man With Sniffles Off Airplane
By 5.4.09
James says he got ejected from his United Airlines flight because he had a cold and some of the other passengers wigged out, fearful of becoming swine flu victims. His letter, and its surprise ending, inside…
Market Convinced Banks Will Be Nationalized, Freaks Out
By 2.20.09
Shares of banking stocks are dragging down the markets as investors become increasingly convinced that the banks will be nationalized, says Reuters. Investors are shunning the companies, worried that shareholders will be wiped out in a government takeover, and are fleeing to U.S. Government bonds and gold, which rose to above $1,000 an ounce.
Jim Cramer Did Not Actually Say What He Said Yesterday… Or Something
By 10.7.08
Yesterday, Jim Cramer annoyed Ann Curry by saying the following words on her little television program, which is known as The Today Show: “Ok, whatever money you may need for the next five years, please, take it out of the stock market. Right now. This week. I do not believe that you should risk those assets in the stock market.”
What Is Commercial Paper And Why Is The Federal Reserve Suddenly Buying It?
By 10.7.08
The Federal Reserve today announced the creation of something called the Commercial Paper Funding Facility (CPFF), that will buy commercial paper directly from issuers. So, you’re asking yourself, what is commercial paper? Why do I care that the Federal Reserve is buying it?
Lehman Brothers Headquarters Is Now The Barclays Capital Building
By 9.26.08
Times are changing. Flickr pool member jamesmarino alerts us to the fact that the Lehman Brothers headquarters in Times Square is now broadcasting its new ownership.
SEC, Treasury Throw More Sandbags Into The Wall Street Flood Waters
By 9.19.08
The SEC has temporarily banned short selling of 799 financial stocks, and the Treasury Department has said that it would guarantee (temporarily?) money market funds up to the amount of $50 billion. The New York Times called this move “startling” because money market funds have long been considered one of the safest investments — about as safe as a savings account.
