“It’s a Scandal! It’s an Outrage!”
lawsuits
Can You Hear Me Whisper Now?
By 7.5.06
n marquee boldface, a revised Verizon customer agreement arrived in customer’s email boxes last night, screamed that contract language was changed as part of settling a class-action lawsuit and that, “UNLESS YOU TELL US THAT YOU PREFER YOUR EXISTING CONTRACT LANGUAGE, HOWEVER, THIS NEW CUSTOMER AGREEMENT WILL REPLACE YOUR EXISTING CONTRACT LANGUAGE.”
Lawsuit Filed for 26.5 Mil Vets in Data Privacy Snafu
By 6.2.06
A lawsuit has been filed on behalf of the 26.5 million vets whose personal records were lost by Veterans Affairs due to employee negligence, reports the AP.
Frivolous and Lawsuits Have New Bed Partner: Useless
By 5.31.06
Yay! Free money. Clampants got a card in the mail yesterday from the “Benny/Lundberg Settlement” against Sprint, reading:
Skype, Dark Lord of the Sith, Conspires Against StreamCast
By 5.29.06
Someone over at StreamCast Networks is channeling the ogresque spirit of Patrick Byrne: they’ve sued eBay, Skype and 21 other companies for engineering an insidious, overarching conspiracy to cost StreamCast billions of dollars. Luckily, they did not describe the conspiracy as originating from the Dark Lord of the Sith, but you generally don’t say such a thing in a legal briefing.
Creative Sues Apple, Claims They Created MP3 Menus
By 5.16.06
Could patent law be any more absurd? Perhaps we’re on the wrong end of it, but it seems that the only tangible result of modern patent law is a string of nuisance lawsuits in which one company attempts to rob consumers of a product they enjoy by suing a company that has made an ostensibly similar competing device. Re: Blackberry. But now, Creative vs. Apple.
DoJ Files To Dismiss AT&T Lawsuit… It’s Top Secret!
By 5.15.06
Bad news for those of us who don’t want the long-distance sex calls we made to our Canadian girlfriends shouted mockingly at us when we’re tied to a chair with a burlap sack over our face in between a knee-thwacking with a length of hose. The Department of Justice has filed a motion to dismiss a class-action lawsuit by the EFF against AT&T for illegally complying with NSA wire-tapping of citizens’ lines.
BREAKING: Little Girl Molested By Wal-Mart Sex Offender, Gets Jack Squat
By 5.2.06
A Jury found Wal-Mart was not negligent in hiring a convicted sex offender who molested a 10 year old girl in a Wal-Mart electronics aisle six years ago.
UPDATE: Little Girl Molested By Wal-Mart Sex Offender, Gets $25 Gift Certificate
By 5.2.06
Jury deliberations are underway to decide whether a teenager molested six years ago for 90 seconds by a WalMart employee deserves to receive up to $5 million in damages.
Little Girl Molested By Wal-Mart Sex Offender, Gets $25 Gift Certificate
By 4.26.06
In the grand scheme of things, there are probably a few gripes with Wal-Mart more legitimate than their moral objection (or, as it all turned out, lack thereof) to purple ribbon. Like when your ten year old daughter is approached by a helpful Wal-Mart greeter with a bright yellow happy face button on his lapel who then proceeds to vigorously masturbate in front of her, right in the middle of the electronics aisle.
T-Mobile Trying to Kill Customer, For A Mistake Company Made
By 4.20.06
Through the frosted glass, in walks this dame into our office, she says:
MERCK Gets Mercked for $9 Million in Vioxx Suit
By 4.12.06
A jury awarded $9 million in punitive damages to John Darby who blamed his heart attacks on Vioxx. The sum is a defeat for drug-maker Merck, which, for some fucking reason, was assumed to be “bulletproof” because the trial took place in New Jersey.
H&R Cock Blocked
By 4.10.06
Last week Intuit, makers of Turbo Tax, sued H&R Block for mimicking its advertising campaign. Block’s ad “copies the physical appearance, dress and mannerisms of the characters in the TurboTax ad, as well as the set, staging and pace of the advertisement,” said Intuit in a statement.
