deals

• Today’s Woot! is probably the closest you’ll ever get to a Dicky Tracy watch: the Swatch Paparazzi Smartwatch with a year’s free subscription to MSN Direct. It’s astonishingly ugly as a watch, but if you ever wanted to check movie times on a half-inch LCD, this is the watch for you.

• Today’s Woot! will help you identify your precise Ivan Ilych moment right before your heart explodes, right down to the millisecond: the La Crosse Wrist Blood Pressure Monitor for $14.99.

• Today’s Woot! is the Razer Diamondback Chameleon 1600dpi Gaming Mouse for $19.99. With seven programmable buttons and an electric glow, this is a pretty snazzy deal, although it does have a cord.

• It’s a Woot! Toofertoosday, and you know what that means: it’s Tuesday and there’s two of something. In this case, the Logitech X-120 2 Piece Multimedia Speakers 2 Pack for $12.99. Duo-Stereo Sound, apparently; perhaps audiophiles can tell me if that qualifies as quadrophonic.

• Meh. Today’s Woot! is the ADS USB 2.0 SimpleTouch Hard Drive Case. It’s gray and joyless and functional. It costs $19.99. If you push the throbbing blue button, the hard drive encased inside is backed up. A good, sensible, excruciatingly boring deal.

• Oooh. Today’s Woot! is one of those Saitek Eclipse II Keyboards with a eerie phantasmal glow for $35.99. It comes in berzerker red, royal purple and Merlin blue varieties. There’s a shade of the spectrum to match every lava lamp.

• Wednesday Woot!: the Dazzle to Go USB 2.0 TV Tuner and Video Editor for $44.99. Steal corporate broadcast content, redistribute as your own! The driving force behind Gawker’s own video initiative.

• Today’s Woot!: two FlexUSB 2.0 Adaptors for $3.99. A vestigial J-bend that allows you to thread a USB cable through the infantine labyrinths of a man’s small intestine, if you have need of that.

• We all do a lot of blow. Yet not without its toll. So today’s Woot! is a must have for those of us with a bulging, shuddering heart, ready to explode at the slightest cocaine-fueled exertion: the Mark of Fitness MF-140 Chest Belt Heart Rate Monitor and Watch. If only they made a Dick Tracy model.

• Woot! — the Samsung Digimax 5MP Digital Camera for $69.99. The Five Megapixels makes this a better digicam than the silly little Canon I bought last year for 5 times as much.

• Today’s Woot! is one of those astonishingly expensive InFocus IN72 Home Entertainment DLP Projectors for $949.99. I’m not Nick Denton, swabbing my coked gums with $1000 bills. It is hard for me to qualify a $949 expense as a deal. But, there’s also a pretty swank $300 rebate available, bringing the projector down to a modest $649.

• Today’s Woot! is a Toofertoosday: two KidSmart Vocal Smoke Detectors for $14.99. The theory behind these devices is that children are more likely to wake up to the soothing sound of their parents’ voices than the shrieking ululation of a siren. Although not a parent, I can imagine a lot of fun to be had with this. For example, record yourself screaming, “Wake up! You’re covered in spiders!” then let the pot roast burn while your sweet, angelic brats and up for their nap.

• Woot!: the Navman ICN 330 Portable Navigation System for $249.99. Expertly weave your SUV’s way through urban combat zones. Be forewarned of that bottomless cliff that has mysteriously opened in the middle of I-95. And so on.

• Today’s Woot!: a pair of Peltor Active Noise Reduction Headphones for $34.99. The noise reduced is not the noise bouncing around inside the cans, but rather the sound of the omnibus hurtling in your direction.