As I write this, I am clutching a bag of individually wrapped chocolate morsels and imagining the most satisfying rationing plan I can think of, as panic threatens to seize my heart and throw me into a fit of anxiety. Yes, people, there’s a global chocolate shortage on the horizon, and it’s coming for you.
Who wants to hear about boring old normal millionaires doing boring business deals when there’s a guy in London buying all the cocoa he can get his hands on and scaring all the other chocolate bar makers in his quest? Hedge fund manager Anthony Ward apparently has enough cocoa in his control to make more than five billion chocolate bars. Yum!
On Monday, Mars Snackfoods US—makers of “pokin’ at you pokin’ at you” Snickers bars, M&Ms, and other popular office meal replacement systems—announced that it would not seek FDA permission to replace its cocoa butter with cheaper vegetable oil, which is what the rest of the industry is lobbying for. Okay, first of all, yech, just… vegetable oil? But second of all, yay for Mars for drawing a line somewhere on poor product quality.