As I found out to my horror at a wedding on Saturday night, beer can make even the ugliest girls beautiful when ingested in acuity crippling quantities. But Red Stripe Beer won’t just make that belching anthropomorphic sow beautiful… just holding a bottle will make you lovely.
beer
Disneyworld Won’t Let You Get Drunk
By 5.29.06
For grumpy parents who take Disney’s particular brand of hallucinogenic chipperism as a soul-curdling annoyance, there’s only one way to get through a vacation at Disneyworld: drunk out of your gourd.
Stella!
By 5.25.06
Don’t say we never do anything for you. Print out these Stella Artois coupons for the privilege of saving negative dollars on your next importesque beer run.
Beer Spas: Yeast of Eden
By 5.1.06
Whilst in Hungary recently, I had the opportunity to leisurely soak in the human bacteria frappes that make up Budapest’s thermal spas. What did I learn about the spa experience? Mostly that Hungary’s anthropomorphic walruses have no shame of their own repulsive nudity. They frown upon rambunctious Americans disrupting the sanctity of the spa experience with Hoo-Hah!ing cannonballs. Although it isn’t posted anywhere, Tuesday is gay day. Finally, if you open your mouth underneath the water (say, doing a handstand), you will catch Ebola.
Kids Who Wear Alcohol-Branded Shirts More Likely To Get Loaded
By 4.7.06
That small child wearing the “I’m not as think as you drunk I am” t-shirt might be more likely to engage in pre-teen boozing, according to a recent Dartmouth Medical School study.
Drunken Danes Strike For Workplace Drinking
By 3.24.06
The Danes — long used to the luxury of boozing it up with a flagon of ale through their breaks and then stumbling back to the mill to use their omni-digital and claw-like hands to tremblingly feed another log through the buzz saw — are up in arms over attempts to curtail their lunchtime inebriation.
Dangerous Highway Perspective Advertisements II: Die Harder
By 2.20.06
Okay, within mere moments of our Dangerous Highway Perspective Advertisements post, astute reader “The Unicorn” followed-up with this Snopes article, which explains that these highway perspective advertisements are mock-ups done for a 2005 German contest. So we’d usually just append this quasi-correction to our first post… except the linked Snopes article has the best and most dangerous highway perspective advertisement ever:
Beer Half-Life Debunked As Coors Light Propaganda
By 2.7.06
Last week, we posted about the obscure hieroglyphics scrawled on the bottom of each beer bottle, marking its expiration date for shopkeepers who know the code but hiding it from consumers looking for the freshest pint possible. Even when we posted it, we were a bit confused about the story: doesn’t some beer actually have a legible expiration date printed on the label? And that article was definitely the first time we’d ever heard that all beer had a clearly defined shelf-life, equal to the shelf-life of all other brews.
The Secret Code of Beer Expiration Dates
By 2.1.06
Beer — an alcoholic beverage brewed with hops, malt and barley; once referred to by Keats as “sweet liquid bread” — has a half life of about three months. Six months from the date of brewing, beer turns from inebriating mana into hobo swill. Then why is it that most American beers do not display their expiration dates, so consumer’s can pick the freshest brew possible? [More]
