A List of Corporate Buzzwords From Pepsi’s Announcement Of Its Artisanal Cocktail Space

The Kola Nuthouse. Excuse me, Kola House.

The Kola Nuthouse. Excuse me, Kola House.

Do you have a hole in the heart that’s shaped like artisanal drinks made from a kola nut and peddled by a soda company that knows how to use all the coolest corporate buzzwords? You’re in luck! Pepsi is opening the country’s first “experimental kola bar, restaurant, lounge, and event space” in New York City. From the sound of the company’s press release, it’s where buzzwords go to die.

Even though we never knew our lives were missing an experimental kola bar, we can’t wait for immersive experiences as meticulously crafted as this press release quote:

“We wanted to create a modern hub for consumers to share social and immersive experiences that were anchored in the exploration of our cola’s artisanal craft and flavor,” shared Seth Kaufman, Chief Marketing Officer, PepsiCo North America Beverages. “The Kola House represents a new space for us to support our consumer-first approach to drive authenticity and innovation around our beverage offerings and ideals.”

So what does this all mean? Well, there will be “experimental and elemental themes honoring the kola nut” of course, by way of a cocktail curator who has an “unrivaled background in flavor chemistry” as the mastermind of the operation, with a “full artisanal menu” from an executive chef inspired by the kola nut.

For those of you playing at home, here’s the meangingless buzzword count from Pepsi’s artisanal press release:

• innovation/ innovative: 3
• concept: 1
• local: 2
• curator: 1
• curating: 1
• anchored: 1
• authenticity: 1
• artisanal 3
• ideal(s): 2
• multifaceted: 2
• portfolio: 4
• sustainable: 1
• global(ly): 4
• flagship: 5
• craft: 2
• space: 7
• social: 1
• immersive: 1
• transformative: 1
• hub: 1
• mastermind: 1
• experimental: 2
• drive X around y: 1
• development: 2
• moments: 2
• share: 3
• exploration: 2
• modular: 2
• collaboration: 2