Earning calls can be a drag, full of heavily massaged numbers and industry jargon meant to make anyone listening fall asleep. To spice things up, T-Mobile has created a drinking game, but not for their own magenta-hued earnings. Instead, T-Mo is intent on getting everyone drunk while listening to AT&T’s quarterly report.
[To be clear, we at Consumerist do not in any way condone or encourage the idea of drinking (potentially a lot of) alcohol during any earnings calls, even AT&T’s.]
“AT&T and Verizon have lots in common: more love for accountants and lawyers than customers, a fear of T-Mobile and terribly boring and jargon-heavy earnings calls (to name just a few),” T-Mobile said in the announcement. “Since we had so much fun with the Verizon earnings call, we decided to order up another round of drinking game goodness for AT&T’s call on Tuesday.”
game earnings call, which kicks off at 4:30 p.m. (EST) today, takes the form of many other drinking games with a “take (number of) drink(s) if…” format.
For example, listeners are to take one drink each time AT&T says “profitable growth,” or everyone’s favorite buzzword, “internet of things.”
Two drinks are to be swigged if the company “hides phone losses under a mountain of cheap connected cars and free tablets,” or three drinks if CEO Randall Stephenson “shows up to his own earnings call.”
Players, we mean listeners, are to finish their drink if AT&T “grows a heart and decides to end overages.”