As always, we do not in any way condone shoplifting. Not just because it drives up retail prices for the rest of us, or causes stores to resort to overzealous security measures, or because it wastes the time and resources of police who probably have more important crimes to investigate. It can also land you in the hospital with a self-inflicted shoplifting-related wound.

KDKA in Pittsburgh reports on a local man who didn’t just knick himself while trying to open a stolen phone inside of a Walmart store. The damage was so bad he had to be flown to the hospital.

Police say it all went down around dinner time on Monday. The shoplifter first used a knife to free a Straight Talk Wireless prepaid phone from its shelf.

He then relocated to the auto section of the store, where he tried to use that same knife to open the package — only to stab himself in the arm.

Walmart staff spotted the bleeding pilferer, who then swiped a towel from the store (at this point, why not?) to help stanch the flow of blood. He actually made it to his car and then to a hospital. But the doctors there said the injury was so severe he needed to be taken by helicopter to a second facility.

It was here that police arrested the man, charging him with retail theft and disorderly conduct.

So what should have been the simple stealing of a phone resulted in bodily harm, a stolen towel, trips to two different hospitals (including the medivac flight), and a nasty blood trail at the Walmart that had to hire a hazmat crew to do the cleanup.

That’s a lot of mess for Straight Talk phone. Now if it had been the new iPhone 6S, or the Galaxy Note 5, then… no, still not worth it.

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