Valentine’s Day is generally a time when you share your love and admiration for your beloved by shelling out an absurd amount of money for flowers, chocolates and dinner. What the day usually fails to recognize is people’s disdain for their ex-significant others. Alas, the San Francisco Zoo feels your pain and is offering scorned partners the chance to feel better by adopting a gross, ugly, scary animal in the name of their exes.
(Warning: Ugly pics of fake bugs are contained below)
Mashable reports that for a small price consumers can show their contempt for past lovers by adopting a decidedly unloving hissing cockroach or scorpion from the San Francisco Zoo’s Adopt-An-Animal program.
According to the Zoo, the purchase of either the Hairy Scorpion or Hissing Cockroach will not only allow you to show your true feelings, it purportedly gives you protection from falling for undesirable partners in the future.
“Nothing says ‘I’ve moved on’ like adopting a giant cuddly cockroach in the name of your favorite ex,” the Zoo’s website says of the not-so-sweet gifts. “This Valentine’s Day, if you care enough to send the very best, you’ll choose our charming Madagascar Hissing Cockroach package.”
If a hissing cockroach isn’t quite the right fit for your ex, then you may want to consider the biting sting of the Zoo’s Giant Hairy Scorpion package.
“So the latest affair didn’t work out and given your ex’s record-breaking ability to move on, you suspect foul play,” the Zoo says. “Well, nothing soothes the sting like the adoption of a giant hairy scorpion in honor of your former beloved… Much like your low-life ex, they are usually found in and around low-elevation valleys where they dig elaborate burrows or caves. Also just like you-know-who, when a suitable victim wanders by, the scorpion grabs the doomed creature with its pinchers and stings the prey.”
While the packages don’t actually include live scorpions or cockroaches, consumers can show their exes they were on their mind by displaying a certificate of adoption for the animal.
Jilted sweethearts will also receive either a stuffed-toy scorpion or a heart-shaped box of plastic cockroaches, which are less critter-y than the actual animals, but no less scary.
For those consumers in a loving, happy relationship the Zoo isn’t counting you out. They also offer adoptions of cute, friendly animals like pandas, leopards and penguins.