That wacky, backwards-sunglasses-wearing, frost-tipped celebuchef Guy Fieri is at it again, and this time he seems to be intent on murdering cheesecake and serving it up to the masses. If half a cheesecake stabbed with potato chips and pretzels and bleeding chocolate drizzle in an apparent food-on-food crime can be called a “Cheesecake Challenge,” well, we’re not sure if the cake itself was challenged and lost, or if it’s your mortal body at stake here.

The “huge mountain” of cake is enough to inspire fear in even the strongest-hearted out there — just check out the leering skull on the plate with that huge knife casually sticking out of the thing:

Brave soul Andrew Kiraly at KNPR (h/t to Eater.com) experienced this terrifying dessert behemoth at Guy Fieri’s Vegas Kitchen & Bar, which opened back in April.

Without bothering to detail how the thing actually tasted — or reveal whether or not he accepted the apparent challenge of ingesting it, Kiraly nonetheless doesn’t mince words about its appearance. And it’s pretty darn funny:

Instead of sitting flat — commonsense, quotidian, even jejune — the cheesecake is set on its edge like a wheel, so it presents itself as a sort of runaway half of a dirty and broken Thundarr the Barbarian moon that’s been ripped out of orbit by cosmic forces beyond our reckoning. And, by now calorie-drunk, swooning with surfeit, I imagined Guy Fieri straddling that ragged crescent cake-moon like a motorcycle, riding into a cold and inscrutable universe, crying for an answer, a connection, somebody, anybody, with his painted flames and chocolate-sauced potato chips, his pepperoni armor and outsized burgers: Is anybody out there? I’ve got cheesecaaaaake!

Note to cheesecakes: Do not walk into dark kitchens alone. We still don’t know what happened to the other half of the one above, but it likely met a similar fate at the hands of this madman and his snack henchmen.

Notes From My Dinner At Guy Fieri’s Vegas Kitchen & Bar [KNPR]

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