Nearly 20 years ago, basketball superstar Shaquille O’Neal lent his name and digitized likeness to Shaq Fu, a poorly slapped-together cash-in video game in which even contrarian hipsters have trouble finding any redeeming qualities. Now, with two decades to mull it over, Shaq has not only decided that it’s time for the sequel no one asked for, but that a sizable chunk of the funding should come from consumers.

Yup, Shaq and the rest of the team behind Shaq Fu: A Legend Reborn have started an indiegogo campaign looking to make $450,000 between now and April 20, with the promise that the new product won’t be anywhere near the unmitigated disaster of the original.

But between the money from his playing days and his current gig as a paid shill for whatever company throws enough cash at him, Shaq must be exceedingly wealthy, right? And a decent video game is going to cost a lot more than $450,000 to develop. So what in the world do they need $450,000 from the common folk?

“The purpose of bringing the game to the public is to see how much interest there is in becoming Shaq’s partner and in seeing the game happen,” explain the developers. “In exchange for your help, Shaq is offering unprecedented access to his life.”

Except, as AVclub.com’s Matt Gerardi points out, the lowest level of donation that brings you any closer to the basketball giant is $500. For that, Shaq will… follow you on Instagram.

Excuse me while I look for my checkbook.

For $600, Shaq will record a voicemail message for you. Of course, since no one actually calls anyone anymore, most of your friends and colleagues won’t be impressed because they’ll never hear it. And more than a few people will probably hang up, thinking they got a wrong number. But hey, $600 well spent.

$25,000 will get you and six friends a two-hour dinner with Shaq in Orlando or Atlanta.

“Lunch is on us – travel is on you,” reads the description, completely overlooking the fact that no, lunch isn’t on them, as you FORKED OVER TWENTY-FIVE LARGE FOR IT.

Amazingly, this project has already earned more than $17,000.

Reminder to those thinking of donating on a lark: This is an indiegogo campaign, so there is no requirement that the Shaq Fu team must raise all $450,000 before taking your donation.

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