Remember when Procter & Gamble cruelly taunted the Internet with the prospect of bacon-flavored mouthwash? It was all an April Fool’s Day joke, but seemed just plausible enough to be real. We wanted it to be real. Now the same company is offering another oral care product that seems too amazing and can’t possibly be real: chocolate toothpaste.

Toothpaste flavored like agents of tooth decay is nothing new: you probably used glittery blue bubblegum-flavored toothpaste as a kid. Some brands have vanilla and cinnamon flavors, but chocolate? Chocolate?

Chocolate mint, anyway. Like brushing your teeth with a Junior Mint. It’s part of a new line of Crest toothpaste called Be. On a recent earnings call, the company’s finance chief told the reporters and analysts who hang out on earnings calls about this exciting new product. He says that the new line was designed for “experiential consumers,” whoever that is. People who like to experience things? Isn’t that “everyone”?

Anyway, Crest Be will start with the chocolate mint thing, then introduce “Lime Spearment Zest” and “Vanilla Mint Spark.” Both bold new flavors, but they can’t quite let go of mint. Maybe in a few years, once those experiential consumers start experiencing different toothpaste flavors and finally demand the bacon toothpaste of their dreams.

As far as we can tell, this is the toothpaste version of Campbell’s hipster soup pouches. If it mixes up boring old toothpaste flavors, though, we’re all for it.

Crest Discovers Toothpaste’s Missing Ingredient: Chocolate [WSJ]

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