Waitress Says Customer Denied Her A Tip Because She Disagreed With Her Lifestyle

We don’t like how it’s apparently becoming a trend for customers to choose to not only stiff their servers on tips, but to then explain that it’s because of how they “live their lifestyle” which translates to, “because you’re gay and I disagree with that, you don’t get a tip.” A waitress in New Jersey says that’s what just happened to her on a $93.55 bill.

She sent a photo of the receipt in question to Have A Gay Day on Facebook, which then posted it on its page. The receipt shows no tip and then a scrawled note saying: “sorry I cannot tip because I do not agree with your lifestyle & the way you live your life”.



The waitress says she never thought in a million years that this would happen, writing, “Not only was it a family with two kids, but as I introduce myself and tell them my name is Dayna – the mom proceeds to look at me and say ‘Oh I thought you were gonna say your name is Dan. You sure surprised us!’ ”

She goes on to write that she’s offended, pissed off and hurt that the woman’s kids will grow up witnessing this behavior.

“I served in the Marines to keep ignorant people like them free,” she adds. “Sorry lady but I don’t agree with YOUR lifestyle and the way you’re raising your kids but you didn’t see me throwing that in your face and giving you shitty service. Keep your damn mouth shut and pray we never cross paths again.”

If all is at it appears to be, we’re upset that there are people out there who choose to treat others like this. Have some common decency, people. Yeesh.

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  1. FusioptimaSX says:

    Again, how are these people privy to what happens in someone’s bedroom? Does their SO visit them during their shift and offer a kiss? It looks more like gender identity/gender trait discrimination which is a step beyond. It’s like saying that “because of your mannerisms which do not fit the average person of your gender in ‘Merica, I’m not going to give you a tip.” That’s like saying “I don’t like your face, so no tip regardless of your stellar service.” It’s wrong all around.

  2. Xenotaku says:

    While the comment was unnecessary, and I don’t know how NJ’s laws work, but I’m personally getting tired of the cultural expectations on tipping that have started building in the past decade or so.

    Note: I live in a state where all workers are required to get paid minimum wage or higher, and tips are on top of that. I feel /all/ states should have this law, not this “we can pay you barely pennies and you have to make up the rest in tips” crap that many states have.

    When I was growing up, I was raised that tips are for good service. And you give what you think the service deserved. Average service? Leave a dollar or two. Really good service? Leave a $5. Crappy service? Leave nothing, unless it was /really/ bad and you want to insult them, then leave a penny.

    It seems now, though, that, despite the quality of the service, not leaving a tip, or not leaving /enough/ tip, means that /you/ are the villain. I personally lost one of my favorite restaurants over tipping. Some friends and I had gone out before payday, because a friend was in town and we wanted to see her before she left. None of us had a lot of money, so the tip was on the lower side (my meal came to about $10, I think I just rounded it up to the next dollar). The manager(?) came out and asked us if the service wasn’t good enough, because you’re “supposed to tip at least 15%”, and our waitress was upset. Only 2 of the 4 of us had paid by this point (we’d paid on card, the other two were paying with cash, and all 4 of us were intending on leaving some cash on the table). The 2 paying in cash paid, and none of us left any additional tip. So they lost a regular, as well as the people I brought (I always had my birthday party there), because they had to come out and treat us like criminals, without knowing the circumstances or if we were leaving any cash tip.

    I just think all states should require minimum wage, with tips on top, and tips can go back to being a bonus for the staff for doing a good job, instead of a service charge that it’s being treated as now.

    ((And this has very little to do with the article in the first place, other than it sparking my rant))

    • SingleMaltGeek says:

      Was your bad experience in one of the 5 states where the minimum wage for tipped staff is at or above the Federal minimum wage? Because while I strongly agree that the cost of labor for waitstaff should be built into the cost of the meal, and any additional tip for good or superlative service should be optional, that isn’t the way the system works now, and so it doesn’t mean we get to stop tipping or tip below the standard just because we feel like it. It’s a stupid way of doing things, but if we don’t like it, we need to try to change the wage laws, not take it out on the people who are trying to make a living on less than minimum wage (which is still way below a living wage in most places).

      • CommonC3nts says:

        Technically in our current system, tipping is optional.
        The problem is the workers are delusional and dont see tipping as optional, they seem to think there is some law requiring tipping which is not true.

        • SingleMaltGeek says:

          It is optional in the sense that it is not a legal debt, but you do realize that the law allows a minimum wage for wait staff and other “tipped” classes that is less than 1/3 the minimum for everyone else, right? Because they are supposed to be making tips as part of their hourly income.

        • OrionBFury says:

          To my knowledge, if one is being paid at the lower wage rate, if the amount you get, or don’t get, in tips would put you below the regular wage rate, the employer pays the difference. Whether or not that happens I can’t say though.

          Though I do get annoyed when people who make the regular, or above, min wage, feel entitled to a tip. You handed me a pastry, that’s it. Why should you get an extra 50 cents for that?

      • Xenotaku says:

        If you read my post, I clearly stated that my state requires minimum wage or higher, with tips on top of that.

        Also, quite frankly, I consider our minimum wage enough of a living wage anyway. Sure, you can’t have a nice house and live by yourself, but it’s still fine to live on.

  3. Ronnie says:

    Seriously. If I you have that much of a problem with the way a person lives their life, why are you letting them provide you with service and handle your food? I know if I was a bigot, I would just leave or ask a manager to move me to a different section.

  4. citking1 says:

    And this, ladies and gentlemen, are how republicans are made. Hate breeds more hate.

  5. CommonC3nts says:

    Not really a big deal as tipping is always optional.
    No one can expect to always get tips.

  6. webalias says:

    While the customer’s behavior was reprehensible, the waitress’s decision to let the offensive receipt be posted on the web seems ill advised, at the very least. In a number of cases, servers have been fired for doing exactly that. Is the receipt, which contains customer information, a public document? Clearly not. Some restaurants have policies against posting receipts or any other customer information online, and if they want to avoid lawsuits, they should. There’s a good chance she violated her employer’s policies, and could be fired as a result — and even if there was no such policy, she could still be terminated, especially in New Jersey where employment is “at will.” One could argue that the receipt does not necessarily identify the individual customer, but that’s not 100 percent certain: the amount of the bill, the signature, the handwriting, the date and time and other information posted could presumably result in disclosing the customer’s identity to somebody. That argument aside, the customer could still sue, and might win. To make a social/political point, the waitress placed her job, her employer, and the jobs of her coworkers at risk. Yes, the customer lacked “common decency.” But, in her understandable outrage at being so poorly treated, her behavior shows a lack of common sense.

  7. timewellspent says:

    1) I don’t care what you look like. if you are friendly keep asking me if everything is all right and make sure my soda and water glasses are full you will get 15% tip or more.
    2)Xenotaku I know where you are coming from I had a similar experience. After finishing a meal I payed the server close to the exact amount of the check Had about 50 cents coming back to me . He had the nerve to come back and say “15 percent is the customary tip” I then picked up the 10 dollars I had put on the table and said this was your tip. I bet he never did that again.
    Lastly restaurants rarely pay the workers well that 3 or 5 dollar tip is helping someone raise their children. Be kind it comes back!

  8. GoldHillDave says:

    Thank you, Dayna, for your service in the Marines to help keep us free. This is not sarcasm – I mean it sincerely, which is not always as clear in the written word as it is in the spoken.

    Of course, that freedom extends to disapproving your lifestyle.

    It also extends to not giving an optional tip. Tips are, or should be, for good service. The tipping system is broken and should be abolished.